Venting Has anyone gotten "That Feeling"

[SilverFog]

I don't know how else to describe it, but about 7 months ago I had a feeling where I was fully committed to killing myself. For a while I was too scared to die and had more friends. But just one day I got the feeling of pure numbness and I was 100% going to kill myself ,It felt like I had lost my soul, I said my goodbyes and everything. I when I was coming home to hang myself I had to take another person home, and after that the feeling dissipated. I've never felt like that before or after, and it was wild. I want to feel that way again, I want to have the determination to kill myself again. Life has gotten so much worse since then, I've been betrayed so hard and I want to die out of a need to and of spite. Idk if y'all know of any way to get back to that point, but sorry I just had to tell someone about this.

 

[attheend13]

I don't know how else to describe it, but about 7 months ago I had a feeling where I was fully committed to killing myself. For a while I was too scared to die and had more friends. But just one day I got the feeling of pure numbness and I was 100% going to kill myself ,It felt like I had lost my soul, I said my goodbyes and everything. I when I was coming home to hang myself I had to take another person home, and after that the feeling dissipated. I've never felt like that before or after, and it was wild. I want to feel that way again, I want to have the determination to kill myself again. Life has gotten so much worse since then, I've been betrayed so hard and I want to die out of a need to and of spite. Idk if y'all know of any way to get back to that point, but sorry I just had to tell someone about this.

I think there is comfort in being sure, one way or the other. It's also oddly a comfortable fall back to trauma or loss. If I can die it can end at any time and that's a really comforting thought. It can end it's not impossible. I'm glad you told someone. Sometimes that's all there is.

 

[livingwishtodie]

I get it.
But i have came to that point multiple times where i wanted to kill myself but the determination would evaporate like water. It is because dont last for a long time if we are in a stress mode or feeling down our body has certain chemicals causing it and we feel depressed or wanting to kill ourself.

But if something happens while we are having "kill myself" feeling, like engaging in some task like you said you had to drop someone home, these small tasks are enough to replace the stress hormones in our body and thus our determination wears off.

Thats why it is said to have a hobby because it forces ous to engage in something and have happy and calm chemicals in our body then we feel happy and contented.

I hope i made sense here

 

[Felodese]

There is something called "suicidal calm", where you find a kind of peace and calm in having made your decision, and knowing it's going to be over soon.
Was the feeling you had anything like that?

 

[Unknown21]

There is something called "suicidal calm", where you find a kind of peace and calm in having made your decision, and knowing it's going to be over soon.
Was the feeling you had anything like that?

I had this feeling a lot, but I didn't know at the time whether I would actually do it or not.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

The only reason I am alive is because I don't want to outlive my parents. Once they're gone I myself can finally exit shortly after.

 

[SilverFog]

There is something called "suicidal calm", where you find a kind of peace and calm in having made your decision, and knowing it's going to be over soon.
Was the feeling you had anything like that?

It felt like that yeah

 

[sombie]

I had that feeling but then my rope arrived and it was too small,I had the same feeling buying my previous rope but it was too large when it arrived aswell,honestly it made me laugh and think about not committing suicide,now I just have paranoia and the urge to kill myself has been building since then.

 

[Felodese]

It felt like that yeah

I've been kind of chasing that feeling myself, but I've never quite gotten there.