Discussion Has anyone else hallucinated deceased loved ones?

[whitetaildeer]

A month ago, my girlfriend killed herself, and it's had a devastating toll on my mental health. I've more or less let my grief control me, and anything, literally anything, in my life has been eclipsed by her death. I dream about her every time I sleep; I go to sleep every few hours just to see her again, even if it's not real, and I hate waking up knowing she's not here. I miss her so much, and I'd give anything to have her back.

About 2 days ago I've began to hallucinate her voice, on and off. I heard her asking "What's wrong?" out of nowhere, I've heard her saying "It's okay," and I've even seen her in the corner of my eye. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm second-guessing myself writing this, wondering if I've somehow gaslit myself into thinking this happened to me even though I know it has. It's even worse because it's my dead girlfriend, the one and only thing I want, and she's gone and she's never coming back.

Schizophrenia runs in my family but I was thankfully spared; I think I'm just very susceptible to psychosis genetically. This isn't the first time I've hallucinated from stress, I remember dealing with psychosis when I was 17 for several months. I'm scared I'll somehow develop psychosis long-term or even permanently. I don't see that happening but holy fuck this feels unreal and I'm more scared than I ever have been of myself. Has grief ever done this to someone else?

 

[hurts2b]

I don't have any personal experience here but this definitely isn't unheard of.

 

[HopelessScientist]

Yes, I have zero history of psychosis, zero history of schizophrenia, no paranoia, no delusions. I'm extremely resistant to psychedelics too. People say I am too sane for my own good.

One time, 4 years ago I learned that my former best friend wasn't angry at me and just not talking to me... he was dead.
Despite being on bad terms with him, I remember thinking "no, this is the wrong guy, just a guy with the same name as him, just a guy with the same hobbies as him" and slowly as I read, I had to accept, yes, this is him. He is dead, I cannot talk to him anymore. Messaging him won't bring him back, and yes, I messaged him, I emailed him, knowing he'll never reply. He likely died alone, without being loved, without tackling his trauma.

I hallucinated him that night. So, if I can hallucinate just from a former best friend I was on bad terms with, it makes sense that someone that close, a girlfriend, who died so recently would stick on your mind. I am so so sorry for your loss.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I'm scared I'll somehow develop psychosis long-term or even permanently.

I had auditory hallucinations for several years, when I first moved out of my parents home. At first it startled me, and I really thought they were at my door. But I got used to it pretty quickly, and eventually it stopped.

I think you need to adopt a belief system around it, skewing your world view, for it to become psychotic. I don't think you have to worry about hallucination in isolation. I think it's the brain desperately trying to interpret noise, not too different from the phantom vibrations people feel from phone use.