Venting Happy birthday to me

[Remember to forget]

I'm a bit late but happy birthday

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Thank you! How did you know that I love fungi, potato?

I'd like to claim mystical powers but I'm really just going through a mushroom stage.

I'll be damned. I thought you were much younger

I have a 10 year olds sense of humour.

I'm more defiant and resulote than ever before in my life.

For that, I envy you and am happy for you too. I have anger and defiance but mixed with indecision. Not a good combination.

 

[Epsilon0]

Dali and Alice Cooper: that's as odd-cool as it gets.

 

[Sensei]

@Sensei
Having all the things that your colleagues have is no guarantee for happiness. You could have the house, the partner, the kids, the dinner parties, the perfect health and still feel like the oldest and loneliest soul in the world.

@Epsilon0, the really sad thing is that except for finding a partner, and by that I mean true love, I don't want any of the rest. I don't want what they have. What I want is to not have to feel any social pressure. If I was a shoeshiner on skid row, but didn't have to feel any social pressure, I'd be fine with that.

It's all a smoke screen. It's all just distraction so we can forget there is no meaning to our existence and everything is futile.

We are all lonely beings moving aimlessly through time and space towards nothingness. We fool ourselves into believing we can fulfill the emptiness of our hearts and minds. But no amount of love or glory can
cure that gnawing feeling that something is amiss, that our lives are not as they should be.

You could go to all the parties in the world and still feel like the little girl with the matches in H. C. Andersen's story - cold, shaking, weak with hunger, standing outside with your nose pressed tightly to the frosty window pane, looking in, trying to catch a glimpse of the people inside.

We are all secrets to each other, we are all looking in from the outside, even when we are bonded by love, friendship or family ties.

We are incomprehensible to one another and doomed to be forever lonely.

That's your depression talking. Unfortunately, your depression speaks the truth. We're dead matter turned into thought and feeling for an astronomical blink of an eye. There's no meaning or purpose, but we can try to enjoy the moment.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

There's no meaning or purpose, but we can try to enjoy the moment.

That's a TLDR for half the threads on here lol

 

[Sensei]

I'd like to claim mystical powers but I'm really just going through a mushroom stage.

@Underscore, I can't wait to see what comes next. Celery?

I have a 10 year olds sense of humour.

Then you beat me. It's more like a 15-year-old in my case.

Dali and Alice Cooper: that's as odd-cool as it gets.

View attachment 31345

@Epsilon0, I've never seen that before! Extraordinary! I'm trying to come up with a more odd-cool couple than that, but I've got nothing.

 

[Epsilon0]

@Sensei you are so heartbreakingly sweet when you write you are want to find true love, that I feel I simply must restrain the avalanche of darkness which the word "love" unleashes within me. So, I will only say this: may you find what you are looking for and be happy!

 

[Sensei]

That's a TLDR for half the threads on here lol

@Underscore, maybe we can shorten it even further? No meaning, hypothetically joy.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Underscore, I can't wait to see what comes next. Celery?

I draw the line somewhere...
Oh go on then just this once it is your birthday. ..

@Underscore, maybe we can shorten it even further? No meaning, hypothetically joy.

Or just say it's absurd

 

[Epsilon0]

Bloody Mary for everybody!
[
USER=1465]@Underscore[/USER]

This, in my ears, sounds like such a British thing to say:

"Oh go on then"

 

[Deleted member 1465]

 

[Epsilon0]

Here is one of my all time favourite classics.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Here is one of my all time favourite classics.

This was on Tv the other day again, one of my favourites. ..

 

[Sensei]

@Sensei you are so heartbreakingly sweet when you write you are want to find true love, that I feel I simply must restrain the avalanche of darkness which the word "love" unleashes within me. So, I will only say this: may you find what you are looking for and be happy!

You will never be able to convince me that there's no such thing as true love. That's one of very few beautiful things in the world I know exist for a fact. I'll give you that it's very rare, though. In almost all cases, "love" is just egotism, narcissism, flock instinct, and reproduction instict draped in kitch.

 

[Epsilon0]

@Sensei

I've never seen that before! Extraordinary! I'm trying to come up with a more odd-cool couple than that, but I've got nothing.



Yes, Dali went to one of Alice Cooper's shows and was impressed by how spaced-out it was. I think they even collaborated on some project together, but I can't recall what it was.

You will never be able to convince me that there's no such thing as true love. That's one of very few beautiful things in the world I know exist for a fact. I'll give you that it's very rare, though. In almost all cases, "love" is just egotism, narcissism, flock instinct, and reproduction instict draped in kitch.

You are right. I should not pass judgement on love and life based on my failures and disappoinments.

 

[Sensei]

Why do I feel so weird when I see that mushroom?

 

[Epsilon0]

Why do I feel so weird when I see that mushroom?

View attachment 31348

I WANNA FEEL LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!



I hate to break up the birthday party, but I can hardly keep my eyes open. This is just like in real life, I am always the first to fall asleep at parties haha.

Happy Birthday, Sensei! Have a good year! Good night

 

[Deleted member 1465]

This will make you feel weird

A little gentle mushroom recursion never hurt anyone. ..

 

[Sensei]

I WANNA FEEL LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not impossible if you are prepared to take a big risk. You can buy perfectly legal, yet very strong hallucinogens tonight if you you want to.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Or you could just get some of these

 

[faust]

@Epsilon0 I can be very sociable, but I don't need it. Society makes me lose my last strengths, I feel a bit better in solitude. Feeling incapable of sharing my energy with people in real life.

 

[voyager]

Sorry, missed it, Sensei. But I'm sure it's still the 9th on some parts of this board, so happy birthday and hope it'll be a good year for you!

Statistics or not, it's ulitmately down to you to how it plays out and with a rebel mindset the odds should be more in your favour. I think it's a very positive trait. Also agree that age makes one a better person in a lot of ways. Of course, who I really would've become had the twist not occurred at 16 I'll never know. Have always been rather carefree and had my own mind. It has brought it's problem too, but overall it did more good than harm, especially in regards to the situation as a whole and how I managed to still be here. Age has only encouraged these traits, and brought about peace and balance, which is so essential. Of course, my lifestyle is a little embarassing by now, so I do understand the need to be normal and fit in too, but other than that I don't believe in conformity. Never have, nor do most people on this board. I'm good with this, and I'd even go as far as saying the world would be a better place if more people could think ouside the box and embrace a rebel mindset. It makes sense we all get along so well, but have such a hard time on the outside. Likewise feel very much at home here and among people I can relate and talk to.

And yes, I too believe in love. You wouldn't have heard this from me a few months ago. But there is such a thing, and I'm not talking about a last straw in desperation or a compromise, but true love. Your perfect other. Complete devotion to one another and in turn this connection filling the void and empowering you. It can be hard to find said person, but possible. Stick at it, Sensei, and I hope it comes to pass.

 

[Epsilon0]

Not impossible if you are prepared to take a big risk. You can buy perfectly legal, yet very strong hallucinogens tonight if you you want to.

Nah, I would not dare, I am too much of a coward and fear takes over. With my history of panic attacks and stress, I fear I would probably get a psychosis and end up at the ER.

But who knows, maybe in the future, when I really have nothing left to live for, I will give it a try :-)

 

[Sensei]

Sorry, missed it, Sensei. But I'm sure it's still the 9th on some parts of this board, so happy birthday and hope it'll be a good year for you!

Statistics or not, it's ulitmately down to you to how it plays out and with a rebel mindset the odds should be more in your favour. I think it's a very positive trait. Also agree that age makes one a better person in a lot of ways. Of course, who I really would've become had the twist not occurred at 16 I'll never know. Have always been rather carefree and had my own mind. It has brought it's problem too, but overall it did more good than harm, especially in regards to the situation as a whole and how I managed to still be here. Age has only encouraged these traits, and brought about peace and balance, which is so essential. Of course, my lifestyle is a little embarassing by now, so I do understand the need to be normal and fit in too, but other than that I don't believe in conformity. Never have, nor do most people on this board. I'm good with this, and I'd even go as far as saying the world would be a better place if more people could think ouside the box and embrace a rebel mindset. It makes sense we all get along so well, but have such a hard time on the outside. Likewise feel very much at home here and among people I can relate and talk to.

And yes, I too believe in love. You wouldn't have heard this from me a few months ago. But there is such a thing, and I'm not talking about a last straw in desperation or a compromise, but true love. Your perfect other. Complete devotion to one another and in turn this connection filling the void and empowering you. It can be hard to find said person, but possible. Stick at it, Sensei, and I hope it comes to pass.

Thank you, @voyager. Your words made an impression on me. Almost invariably, words of encouragement have little to no effect on me, but for some reason your words inspire me. I've never sought support or felt that I need it, but maybe I need to rethink this. If I could get the right kind of support, perhaps I could learn to cope. It wouldn't help me battle my bipolar disorder, but it could help me accept and possibly even enjoy my situation. It might just be wishful thinking, but it's certainly better than nothing. Again, thanks.

Nah, I would not dare, I am too much of a coward and fear takes over. With my history of panic attacks and stress, I fear I would probably get a psychosis and end up at the ER.

But who knows, maybe in the future, when I really have nothing left to live for, I will give it a try :-)

Sounds wise, @Epsilon0. You should only experiment with hallucinogens if you're really desperate. Unfortunately, I'm really desperate.

 

[Una]

Wishing you a very happy birthday Sensei!​

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/data/attachments/31/31412-268e53dd68a2f72a0dd472b790dfa0d1.jpg

 

[Epsilon0]

@voyager

And yes, I too believe in love. You wouldn't have heard this from me a few months ago

What has changed, if I may ask?



@Sensei

If I could get the right kind of support, perhaps I could learn to cope.

Can you try to define in a bit more detail what "the right kind of support" would look like in your case?

 

[Sensei]

If I could get the right kind of support, perhaps I could learn to cope.

Can you try to define in a bit more detail what "the right kind of support" would look like in your case?

I'm not sure. Something which can reach inside me instead of just bouncing off. I come to think of quote by my favourite author when I was a teen: "He wore armour of iron and only a sword could reach his heart."

 

[randomz]

I am a but late but Happy Birthday from me!

 

[Epsilon0]

I'm not sure. Something which can reach inside me instead of just bouncing off. I come to think of quote by my favourite author when I was a teen: "He wore armour of iron and only a sword could reach his heart."

I am the exact opposite, having had my soul torn to pieces. I wouldn't want to expose myself to the perils of a sword again. There's a quote from Kent that I like:


Så länge hjärtat mitt slår
så minns Jag dig när
Du stack ett hål i min Kevlarsjäl
Och så blev Du mitt sår
och Jag blöder ihjäl

 

[Sensei]

I am the exact opposite, having had my soul torn to pieces. I wouldn't want to expose myself to the perils of a sword again. There's a quote from Kent that I like:


Så länge hjärtat mitt slår
så minns Jag dig när
Du stack ett hål i min Kevlarsjäl
Och så blev Du mitt sår
och Jag blöder ihjäl

I understand. I'm a crying android that needs to be reprogrammed before I self-destruct, but no one seems to understand my operating system.