Hello everyone,
For a long time I've come to terms with the finality of my decision to ctb. I have a note and everything prepared. Recently, between my getting fired, the collapse of my personal life, and the general state of the world and the future of all of these things, this is simply a future I do not want to participate in. That said, I've also come into possession of a firearm owner ID, which is required in my state for many gun-related things. It's also worth noting that I have never fired a single gun even once in my life, but this site has resources for that method. My only ambiguity in this plan is the gun itself, and I've narrowed the possibilities down to two:
1. Go to a gun range and shoot myself in the head. I could literally do this today (Monday, April 27) and for the time being this is my current plan. I've only been able to find two threads on this topic from entering the title for my post. Here's the pros/cons that I can think of.
Pros:
2. Purchase a gun (I have the money), go to a private place, and shoot myself in the head. Again, I've never fired a single gun even once in my life, so of course I don't know the first thing about ownership in my state, and nobody in my family owns a gun. Here's the pros/cons for this method.
Pros:
For a long time I've come to terms with the finality of my decision to ctb. I have a note and everything prepared. Recently, between my getting fired, the collapse of my personal life, and the general state of the world and the future of all of these things, this is simply a future I do not want to participate in. That said, I've also come into possession of a firearm owner ID, which is required in my state for many gun-related things. It's also worth noting that I have never fired a single gun even once in my life, but this site has resources for that method. My only ambiguity in this plan is the gun itself, and I've narrowed the possibilities down to two:
1. Go to a gun range and shoot myself in the head. I could literally do this today (Monday, April 27) and for the time being this is my current plan. I've only been able to find two threads on this topic from entering the title for my post. Here's the pros/cons that I can think of.
Pros:
- Quicker. Again, I could literally do this in any given afternoon.
- Access to a gun + resources on how to angle the gun which I can read and keep in mind before going into the range should provide a non-zero amount of preparation on what, generally, to do.
- Not at home. I live with my family (mother and grandfather), so bringing a gun home and having to hide it would be a very fucking tall order given how insanely nosy my mother is. A gun range lets me ctb away from home.
- Public setting. Even on a weekday afternoon, I will not be the only person at the range. This presents two sets of problems. If there happen to not be that many people at the range at that moment, that means the range safety officers will be able to watch me like a hawk 24/7, but if there are a lot of people, that means there may be more sets of eyes that'll catch me before or during the act, even if any range safety officers are gonna have to be constantly watching stall-to-stall (are they even called stalls?). I won't know how busy the gun range is until I get there, and no, I won't place a call beforehand asking how busy the range is, it feels awkward and suspicious. To me, at least. Plus, I'll be traumatizing anyone else at the gun range, on top of my family members.
- Time. Given what I've said above, I anticipate that it'll be considerably difficult for a first-time shooter like me to get the proper angle, technique, whatever optimal on my first try with so many eyes on me. I could try a very quick hail mary type thing, but assuming I don't get caught, that still leaves a lot of room for...
- Risk of failure. As mentioned before, the crowded-ness of the gun range, regardless of level, provides ample opportunity of getting caught before I can angle the gun optimally. Beyond that, assuming I do manage to launch a bullet through my skull, what if I survive? What if the range gun doesn't have the "best" bullet for this? I could add an addendum to my note asking that I be taken off life support or euthanized, but whether my folks would respect such a request is totally unknown to me. Regardless of how many people are there, first aid will be administered to stem the brain bleeding until I'm rushed to a hospital.
2. Purchase a gun (I have the money), go to a private place, and shoot myself in the head. Again, I've never fired a single gun even once in my life, so of course I don't know the first thing about ownership in my state, and nobody in my family owns a gun. Here's the pros/cons for this method.
Pros:
- Privacy. All of the risks associated with being in a gun range are moot if I buy a gun and go into a forest preserve and shoot myself in the head. Being in a secluded spot in nature means there's less likelihood of being seen by someone else, and getting medical treatment will take a lot longer, greatly reducing my odds of failure. Also, there's less people traumatized by having witnessed this act. This eliminates a fucking HUGE risk.
- Time. If I am to purchase a gun and get it and myself to the middle of the woods, I'll have much more time to figure out the right angle and technique to optimize my chances of success without getting caught and interrupted. I can even buy the right ammo at a later time instead of hoping the pistol at the range has it loaded. Plus, if I can get the gun and ammo immediately without having to wait or have safe storage for it, I can just walk out, go to a secluded area, and shoot myself.
- My state has pretty strict gun laws, if the existence of a firearm owner ID is any indication. What if there's a mandatory waiting period and other requirements (e.g. safe storage), for the gun AND the ammo? I want to get this over with as soon as possible. It isn't terribly urgent so I don't mind waiting, plus this gives me more time to research both this method and my state's gun policy.
- Storing the gun and ammo. Again, nobody in my family owns guns nor do they ever intend to. They don't even know about the firearm owner ID. I received it in the mail and had to pray that my mother didn't open it to see what it was. I lied to her and said it was a mailer about a change in firearm owner ID application policy. She didn't believe this and tried to press me about it, but it never went further than that. All that said, storing a gun and ammo is automatically out of the question. Unless it isn't required somehow.
