everlastinghistory
Member
- May 5, 2022
- 86
In October I broke one of the only morals I've ever truly held. I ended up threatening to kill myself if somebody left. It was a freak accident honestly. I wasn't thinking straight. I was half asleep, terrified, crying, I was no where near the right mindset to have been saying anything in the conversation I was in. I know I've apologized to the girl I threatened many many times starting like 5 minutes after I said it. And I know she's said she forgave me for that since then. But I just saw someone post screenshots of somebody threatening them that way. This person very graphically described exactly how they'd do it and now I feel like I'm the same as that person even though I know I wasn't trying to hurt anyone or manipulate anyone and they were. I know there's a difference between acting on emotions and purposeful manipulation. I know that. But recently I've felt like I should do it even just because I threatened it. It feels like if I don't do it now that she's really left… I hurt her for no reason. I've always thought people who threatened things like that were people nobody would miss if they went through with it. People the world would be better off if they did it. But now I'm the other side and I don't know how I'm meant to feel. It's impossible to understand when you haven't done it because trust me I know how fucked up it is and seeing that from an outside perspective is a lot. Living it though.. I feel like I have to do it now because I constantly see people telling people who did the same thing that they should. And see people complaining about people who did the same thing. I know I really do feel about it and a lot of those people don't. I know I'm not like them beyond one freak accident of an incident. But it feels like I am.
