Well i got my results from one of the big four colleges in my country
And i did not pass my own dream course,fuck fuck man
I wanna cry genuinely i do, and i can't even because i know no one will care
this is like one if the final nail in the coffin of why i wanna ctb like really it is because like i will confess ive had that thought of like "what if i do survive ill be alright"
But no this is what cemented it since i told myself back then that ill pass and ill tell my abuser who also wants the same course i have. That even after all the bs i will stay in this course and that "i am somebody"
But hey they did pass and fair is fair,gotta give them credit for that
Now im gonna have to feel the same level if powerlessness that they did
When my peers were showing like them passing i was fantiszing like doing a fernando alonso pose in my school when i pass but now i don't
My pass i can't let go
My present is fucked
And My future is dead
So is my dreams
I failed,i failed to tell to everyone "your wrong about me,im not that sex object anymore" but oh well guess i still am and i hate it
I won't be beautiful like _____
Nor be smart or creative or leader ship or even have integrity like _____,_____,______,_____,______
I don't want to live a life where i can't even be me,i've done it for 19 years and i won't do it for 30 more years
It's agony
This is another nail in the coffin
God please be merciful to me im begging
Im a monkey a pathetic sexually abused monkey who should have died years ago
And i did not pass my own dream course,fuck fuck man
I wanna cry genuinely i do, and i can't even because i know no one will care
this is like one if the final nail in the coffin of why i wanna ctb like really it is because like i will confess ive had that thought of like "what if i do survive ill be alright"
But no this is what cemented it since i told myself back then that ill pass and ill tell my abuser who also wants the same course i have. That even after all the bs i will stay in this course and that "i am somebody"
But hey they did pass and fair is fair,gotta give them credit for that
Now im gonna have to feel the same level if powerlessness that they did
When my peers were showing like them passing i was fantiszing like doing a fernando alonso pose in my school when i pass but now i don't
My pass i can't let go
My present is fucked
And My future is dead
So is my dreams
I failed,i failed to tell to everyone "your wrong about me,im not that sex object anymore" but oh well guess i still am and i hate it
I won't be beautiful like _____
Nor be smart or creative or leader ship or even have integrity like _____,_____,______,_____,______
I don't want to live a life where i can't even be me,i've done it for 19 years and i won't do it for 30 more years
It's agony
This is another nail in the coffin
God please be merciful to me im begging
Im a monkey a pathetic sexually abused monkey who should have died years ago
