Got everything ready to CTB!

[Dusk till dawn]

Farewell my friend, i hope you find peace

 

[The Byronic Boy]

Greeting from the Amazon. Everything is so pretty here.

 

[The Byronic Boy]

Ceviche with Tacacho. Peruvian food is delicious. Feeling more and more at peace with my suicide. I think I'm starting to be in the right mindset now

 

[The Byronic Boy]

I'm reading the diaries of Sylvia Plath, a famous writer who killed herself 61 years ago, and this quote is so good:

My world falls apart, crumbles, "The centre cannot hold." There is no integrating force, only the naked fear, the urge of self-preservation. I am afraid. I am not solid, but hollow. I feel behind my eyes a numb, paralysed cavern, a pit of hell, a mimicking nothingness. I never thought. I never wrote, I never suffered. I want to kill myself, to escape from responsibility, to crawl back abjectly into the womb. I do not know who I am, where I am going—and I am the one who has to decide the answers to these hideous questions. I long for a noble escape from freedom—I am weak, tired, in revolt from the strong constructive humanitarian faith which presupposes a healthy, active intellect and will. There is nowhere to go.

 

[Esokabat]

I'm reading the diaries of Sylvia Plath, a famous writer who killed herself 61 years ago, and this quote is so good:

My world falls apart, crumbles, "The centre cannot hold." There is no integrating force, only the naked fear, the urge of self-preservation. I am afraid. I am not solid, but hollow. I feel behind my eyes a numb, paralysed cavern, a pit of hell, a mimicking nothingness. I never thought. I never wrote, I never suffered. I want to kill myself, to escape from responsibility, to crawl back abjectly into the womb. I do not know who I am, where I am going—and I am the one who has to decide the answers to these hideous questions. I long for a noble escape from freedom—I am weak, tired, in revolt from the strong constructive humanitarian faith which presupposes a healthy, active intellect and will. There is nowhere to go.

She had major depression and according to current criteria, she would have also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Her 1 year old and two-year old were in the next door sleeping when she died. She was a mother. Her son, who grew up without a mother, would also end up committing suicide. So her decision ended affecting others. Obviously a mother would need to be extremely depressed in order to go against the powerful mother instinct and leave her toddlers alone. Depression is an illness. I can understand when people CTB from chronic pain, disease,depression, but I don't like the idolization of depression as we would not idolize any other illness. Nobody will write a poem about having heart disease or kidney failure. Obviously I don't doubt her artistic brilliance but I think for full context, people should know that she left 2 babies behind who were not yet able to walk and probably still breastfeeding and in fact sleeping in the next door room, and one of those babies would grow up and also CTB.

 

[tonyteabag]

View attachment 136266

I bought the N in a city in the Peruvian Amazon called Tarapoto. The very first store I tried. They didn't ask me any questions, very easy. I also bought the antiemetic pills necessary for the process.

Long story short, I suffer from an incurable chronic pain condition and there's no way I'm getting better, so I rather die with dignity than live a lifetime of pain and the toll it takes on my mind.

My next step now is to plan everything for my death to be as easy as it can be for everybody and to do everything I need to do before I go. I want to thank this forum for giving me the knowledge about the N and the logistics behind it and for giving me peace to find a death with dignity.

What are the tablets you need to take with the N? Are they widely available in Peru also?

View attachment 136266

I bought the N in a city in the Peruvian Amazon called Tarapoto. The very first store I tried. They didn't ask me any questions, very easy. I also bought the antiemetic pills necessary for the process.

Long story short, I suffer from an incurable chronic pain condition and there's no way I'm getting better, so I rather die with dignity than live a lifetime of pain and the toll it takes on my mind.

My next step now is to plan everything for my death to be as easy as it can be for everybody and to do everything I need to do before I go. I want to thank this forum for giving me the knowledge about the N and the logistics behind it and for giving me peace to find a death with dignity.

What are the sickness pills you brought, what local brand are they?

 

[b_adr]

So glad to hear someone having an option for such a nice and peaceful end. I was just wondering, were you not required to provide a proof of prescription? As that is what is stated on the website of the manufacturer.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

She had major depression and according to current criteria, she would have also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Her 1 year old and two-year old were in the next door sleeping when she died. She was a mother. Her son, who grew up without a mother, would also end up committing suicide. So her decision ended affecting others. Obviously a mother would need to be extremely depressed in order to go against the powerful mother instinct and leave her toddlers alone. Depression is an illness. I can understand when people CTB from chronic pain, disease,depression, but I don't like the idolization of depression as we would not idolize any other illness. Nobody will write a poem about having heart disease or kidney failure. Obviously I don't doubt her artistic brilliance but I think for full context, people should know that she left 2 babies behind who were not yet able to walk and probably still breastfeeding and in fact sleeping in the next door room, and one of those babies would grow up and also CTB.

That is why even on this forum parents who want to die are given strong encouragement to live. Of course, people will do what they do in the end.

I've heard the idea that it was intended to be a performative act on her part but she made a grave error, not being familiar with the danger of British gas. But I don't know if that really checks out.

 

[final_countdown12]

So glad to hear someone having an option for such a nice and peaceful end. I was just wondering, were you not required to provide a proof of prescription? As that is what is stated on the website of the manufacturer.

Halatal can be bought OTC (in person only) in the agroveterinarias store in Peru

 

[The Byronic Boy]

What are the tablets you need to take with the N? Are they widely available in Peru also?

What are the sickness pills you brought, what local brand are they?

metoproclamide i think they are called, i bought them without prescription in a pharmacy, the generic ones, very cheap.

So glad to hear someone having an option for such a nice and peaceful end. I was just wondering, were you not required to provide a proof of prescription? As that is what is stated on the website of the manufacturer.

i was not required to provide a prescription because it's more of a common occurrence to buy this product here because it's an area known for cattle raising and people buy it for their farms.

 

[tonyteabag]

metoproclamide i think they are called, i bought them without prescription in a pharmacy, the generic ones, very cheap.



i was not required to provide a prescription because it's more of a common occurrence to buy this product here because it's an area known for cattle raising and people buy it for their farms.

Do you plan on drinking 4 bottles of N?

 

[The Byronic Boy]

Do you plan on drinking 4 bottles of N?

yeah, so i can be sure i will die.

 

[tonyteabag]

yeah, so i can be sure i will die.

I have someone in Peru, what do you think of posting N to uk, do you think it would be ok?

 

[The Byronic Boy]

I have someone in Peru, what do you think of posting N to uk, do you think it would be ok?

I really don't know, i've heard conflicting reports about how risky it is. I've heard smuggling might be a little less risky.

 

[tonyteabag]

I really don't know, i've heard conflicting reports about how risky it is. I've heard smuggling might be a little less risky.

Thank you and good luck with your own journey! I recommend you do some ayahuasca before you ctb

 

[Willy Wonka]

Will you take it back to your country of origin? I have a house with a mortgage in Europe and I don't know if I should sell it and then go to Peru, but what if I cannot find N, and I already sold my house. I don't want to leave my elderly parents with a bank mortgage. So the house has to be sold, so the most ideal scenario would be to take the N back to Europe, but I am not sure how realistic it is to travel/ fly with N...

Maybe you could mail it to yourself?

Wow, that is just really sad to hear. Does it feel strange to be living in a foreign country in the last moments of your life? Most people want to die peacefully at home so this is quite a drastic move on your part.

As for being charged and going to prison for bringing the drugs into a country where they're illegal, I on't believe that there have been any cases of imprisonment for this one. Do you know of any? A couple people have gotten charged and been given fines and probation but I think usually what happens is the authorities will just confiscate it. All this assuming of course that you're carrying only enough for"one time use "

I think so too ...

Thank you and good luck with your own journey! I recommend you do some ayahuasca before you ctb

I fantasize about that also. Ayahuasca might give me some insights and then I'm not gonna ctb no more. So maybe better not do it