Method Goodbye

[Wannadie]

I really hope no one will be offended by this because I don't mean it in a bad way but I'm kind of noticing that almost all goodbye topics end up with the OP coming back again because they failed their attempt. This kind of makes me wonder whether it's related and if perhaps the urge to tell people that you are going to ctb, even if it's just online, does have a relation with maybe UNconsciously not being a 100 % sure of dieing? Again I don't mean to offend anyone and I've failed attempts too, I'm not trying to blame people for anything. It's just something that I've been noticing in the goodbye threads


(if I do offend you please quote me and tell me so I can try to explain myself better. English isn't my first language and I really mean no harm)

 

[52shriek]

I'm so sorry Amira. I hope you don't feel worse.

 

[Amira]

Guys I am actually horrified. My friends came in. She caught me. I managed to hang myself. Lost conciousness after some seconds seconds. Everything went black.After a few minutes later I woke up and I found myself on the floor.I was confused. My head was pounding and looked up and saw my rope snapped. At that moment i felt so upset and mesrible. I laid there crying my heart out for some time. After a few minutes I got up and looked in the mirror. My nose was bleeding ,my neck and my face was really red. At that moment i realised i fucked up.The door suddenly opened, and my friendburst in. She looked horrified. She snatched the torn rope off me and was crying so much. She was about to call the 999 and begged her no.I really didnt want to end up in a psych ward. I explained to her how i was feeling and that it was an impulsive act. I pleaded for her not tell my mom. She stayed with me for some hours and left before my mom came. Luckily she told my mom that i had gone to bed early else my mom would have come up to the bedroom to see me. I look a mess. I am now laying in bed heartbroken and terrified that my mom will see my scars on my neck. My neck hurts so much and nose to because when the rope snapped i may have hit my nose on the floor when i fell. Thank God the drop wasnt to big from to break any bones. I feel dizzy and i have a pounding headache. I'm sorry guess. I feel like such a faliure.

I really hope no one will be offended by this because I don't mean it in a bad way but I'm kind of noticing that almost all goodbye topics end up with the OP coming back again because they failed their attempt. This kind of makes me wonder whether it's related and if perhaps the urge to tell people that you are going to ctb, even if it's just online, does have a relation with maybe UNconsciously not being a 100 % sure of dieing? Again I don't mean to offend anyone and I've failed attempts too, I'm not trying to blame people for anything. It's just something that I've been noticing in the goodbye threads


(if I do offend you please quote me and tell me so I can try to explain myself better. English isn't my first language and I really mean no harm)

Well I wish that was the case. I'm not working and just turned 18,I'm dependant on my mom. She barely manages to pay the bills. The only thing i could afford to do was save some of the money that mom gives me for lunch. I used the money to buy a cheap nylon rope, thats all i could afford. I cant open a bank, so buying a rope from my moms bank account would be basically telling her i want to ctb. So yeah the error was that I was desperete to die and at that moment I just did it. Somehow I thought it would work for me despite others saying a stronger rope would be better. At that time i didnt care , I just wanted out. When someone acts impulsively and wants to die at that very moment , they dont care about how reliable a method is , or whether they will survive. They just do it and hope for the best. Thats why many end up failing with SN later after posting a Goodbye post because they either dont bother taking ansemitics or acid blockers. They just want to go I know many who have been successful using partial to ctb and so, I was trusting of that. But , for me it back fired. Even after that today I wanted to attempt. But now I have nothing. So I think its abit insensitive and judgemental to think that way. But Its fine.

 

[Miss clefable]

Well I wish that was the case. I'm not working and just turned 18,I'm dependant on my mom. She barely manages to pay the bills. The only thing i could afford to do was save some of the money that mom gives me for lunch. I used the money to buy a cheap nylon rope, thsts all i could afford. I cant open a bank, so buying a rope from my moms bank account would be basically telling her i want to ctb. So yeah the error was that I was desprete to die and at that moment I just did it. Somehow I thought it would work for me despite others saying a stronger rope would be better. At that time i didnt care , I just wanted out. When someone acts impulsively and wants to die at that very moment , they dont care about how reliable a method is , or whether they will survive. They just do it and hope for the best. I know other people who have done partial with cheap material and have successed. Thats why many end up failing with SN later after posting a Goodbye post becaise they either dont bother taking ansemitics ir acid blockers. They just want out.For me it back fired. Even after that I wanted today I wanted to attempt. But now I have nothing. So I think its abit insensitive and judgemental to think that way. But Its fine.

Hugs I'm sorry :(

 

[Sinbad]

At that time i didnt care , I just wanted out. When someone acts impulsively and wants to die at that very moment , they dont care about how reliable a method is , or whether they will survive. They just do it and hope for the best

I know that feeling. This happens to many of us, trying to kill ourselves on impulse. I am guilty myself. Let the haters hate. For now try to relax and recover.

 

[Wannadie]

Well I wish that was the case. I'm not working and just turned 18,I'm dependant on my mom. She barely manages to pay the bills. The only thing i could afford to do was save some of the money that mom gives me for lunch. I used the money to buy a cheap nylon rope, thsts all i could afford. I cant open a bank, so buying a rope from my moms bank account would be basically telling her i want to ctb. So yeah the error was that I was desprete to die and at that moment I just did it. Somehow I thought it would work for me despite others saying a stronger rope would be better. At that time i didnt care , I just wanted out. When someone acts impulsively and wants to die at that very moment , they dont care about how reliable a method is , or whether they will survive. They just do it and hope for the best. Thats why many end up failing with SN later after posting a Goodbye post because they either dont bother taking ansemitics or acid blockers. They just want out. I know many who have successful ctb using partial to ctb and successed. So, I was trusting of that. But , for me it back fired. Even after that today I wanted to attempt. But now I have nothing. So I think its abit insensitive and judgemental to think that way. But Its fine.

Heey I get it, I've been there too. The night my best friend died I freaked out completely and the only thing I had in my room was knitting wire so I twisted them together and tried to hang myself with that from the shower head. I passed out, the rope broke and I woke up on my back on the bathroom floor completely disorientated. I've done my share of stupid suicide attempts on impulse too when I was really desperate. But I did always know that the chance of surviving was present. I don't mean to say that you're wish to die isn't as serious or genuine as the wish from others or anything like this, I don't think that's something you can compare anyway. And I'm really sorry you're hurting so much at the moment. Even though it's really hard, I do urge you to think your next attempt through. Not because I want you to die ofcourse, I want you to be happy, but attempting on impulse is just super likely to either not work or be a lot more painful than necessary otherwise. I hope you're body will at least feel less sore soon hun and I wish you all the luck x

 

[Eden2k]

Amira, like Sinbad said, "let the haters hate." You don't need to explain yourself to Wannabie. That's is he/she opinion. My heart goes out to you right now. Much genuine respect being sent your way x

 

[tevati]

How do you cope keep living? Tell me please.

 

[Kingkelly]

Well I wish that was the case. I'm not working and just turned 18,I'm dependant on my mom. She barely manages to pay the bills. The only thing i could afford to do was save some of the money that mom gives me for lunch. I used the money to buy a cheap nylon rope, thats all i could afford. I cant open a bank, so buying a rope from my moms bank account would be basically telling her i want to ctb. So yeah the error was that I was desperete to die and at that moment I just did it. Somehow I thought it would work for me despite others saying a stronger rope would be better. At that time i didnt care , I just wanted out. When someone acts impulsively and wants to die at that very moment , they dont care about how reliable a method is , or whether they will survive. They just do it and hope for the best. Thats why many end up failing with SN later after posting a Goodbye post because they either dont bother taking ansemitics or acid blockers. They just want to go I know many who have been successful using partial to ctb and so, I was trusting of that. But , for me it back fired. Even after that today I wanted to attempt. But now I have nothing. So I think its abit insensitive and judgemental to think that way. But Its fine.

You don't have to explain yourself. I was desperate on Thanksgiving and took pills hoping to Die and I didnt and it just made Me really sick. I should a thought it out better but I didnt because I was just done with it all. Now I am thinking my next attempt out better but no judgment here whether you attempt again or not. I hope your feeling better. <3

 

[Goldenwolf]

Hey guys I loved the time I spent here. I am planning to go by partial in a few hours today. I dont want to jinx myself. It has to work because i am sick and tired of this world. I had a break down earlier and was never more convinced more than now that its my time to go. I want to thank everyone for supporting me and helping me feel less alone. My mom wasnt ment to be home for hours this morning. But now , she is about to leave. This forum has given me warmth and compassion. Something I have never really felt before.Thankyou. I wish you all the best and hope you all find your peace. If i dont reply back then I have gone. I love you all. See you on the other side.
Hugs <3
Goodbye

I hope you get to rest in peace soon Amira. Even though this is my first post to you I hope all the best for you.

 

[BjartNO]

perhaps the urge to tell people that you are going to ctb, even if it's just online, does have a relation with maybe UNconsciously not being a 100 % sure of dieing?

Well to determine this you would have to compare the rate of death from unnannounced attempts against the rate from announced attempts.
We are only privy to one side of this equation.
Many attempts have been successful despite being announced in a thread.
Generally, there are many unsuccessful CTB attempts, both announced and not announced.
So i'm not sure it's that much of a factor.