3FailedAttemptss
trans girl (｀・ω・´)
- Jan 22, 2025
- 294
SaSu Suicide Post
Well well well everyone, if you're reading this that means it was my turn… finally. I'm already dead actually. Which is a fucked up thing to write hahah. It's been weird being a member for what feels like so long and seeing others commit suicide and just not have the opportunity. But I finally got my chance. It feels a little strange writing this knowing I'll never see what anyone thinks about it, but that's alright. I killed myself via train decapitation, rude I know. I've been grateful to be a part of this community. I think it's very supportive and there are quite a few users who have been really nice to me and I wish I could thank them all.
Anyway, who was I? Why did I even kill myself? Well I was a 24 year old trans woman who hasn't been transitioning for very long, and that I just lament the fact that I started my transition at age 22. It brings me so much pain and I can never ever change it. I can never undo that. I just wish I started transitioning earlier. I knew I was transgender when I was 14 but I couldn't do anything about it except for hide the pain and well, see where that got me. Anyway, that's not a reason to kill myself. Logically I know that I transitioned at a relatively young age and I should be happy about that. I'm just not. But everything's going to go get better in that regard. I just need to transition longer and longer but I'm not going that path. But yeah, I'm not depressed (had ECT with zero effect), I'm not in agony, I'm not sad, I'm not in any acute pain or distress just wanted to kill myself because of my illness.
The real reason why I'm killing me is because of my mental illness, which I only figured out what was relatively recently, turns out I'm a schizo. I have a F20.3 Undifferentiated Schizophrenia and I can deal with the hallucinations, the body control, the weird thoughts. I can deal with all that, I mean, antipsychotics are a thing. It's the negative symptoms that make life unbearable. For those unaware, negative schizophrenic symptoms means that something is subtracted from your human experience— like anhedonia which zaps all the joy out of you 24/7. Like tell me this, what's the point of living a life without joy? There is none. That's not a life worth living but unfortunately those are the shoes I've been put in and that's why I want to kill myself. I don't see any point going on. I just feel this profound meaninglessness with it all. I've been dealt such a hand that I can't feel joy, it's my brain. It's because my brain is fucked up. So, well it doesn't matter now. I mean I'm dead.
Lastly, my boyfriend left me this morning 18/06/2026 and that is what has triggered my suicide.
One last time, thank you all for being there for me.
Well well well everyone, if you're reading this that means it was my turn… finally. I'm already dead actually. Which is a fucked up thing to write hahah. It's been weird being a member for what feels like so long and seeing others commit suicide and just not have the opportunity. But I finally got my chance. It feels a little strange writing this knowing I'll never see what anyone thinks about it, but that's alright. I killed myself via train decapitation, rude I know. I've been grateful to be a part of this community. I think it's very supportive and there are quite a few users who have been really nice to me and I wish I could thank them all.
Anyway, who was I? Why did I even kill myself? Well I was a 24 year old trans woman who hasn't been transitioning for very long, and that I just lament the fact that I started my transition at age 22. It brings me so much pain and I can never ever change it. I can never undo that. I just wish I started transitioning earlier. I knew I was transgender when I was 14 but I couldn't do anything about it except for hide the pain and well, see where that got me. Anyway, that's not a reason to kill myself. Logically I know that I transitioned at a relatively young age and I should be happy about that. I'm just not. But everything's going to go get better in that regard. I just need to transition longer and longer but I'm not going that path. But yeah, I'm not depressed (had ECT with zero effect), I'm not in agony, I'm not sad, I'm not in any acute pain or distress just wanted to kill myself because of my illness.
The real reason why I'm killing me is because of my mental illness, which I only figured out what was relatively recently, turns out I'm a schizo. I have a F20.3 Undifferentiated Schizophrenia and I can deal with the hallucinations, the body control, the weird thoughts. I can deal with all that, I mean, antipsychotics are a thing. It's the negative symptoms that make life unbearable. For those unaware, negative schizophrenic symptoms means that something is subtracted from your human experience— like anhedonia which zaps all the joy out of you 24/7. Like tell me this, what's the point of living a life without joy? There is none. That's not a life worth living but unfortunately those are the shoes I've been put in and that's why I want to kill myself. I don't see any point going on. I just feel this profound meaninglessness with it all. I've been dealt such a hand that I can't feel joy, it's my brain. It's because my brain is fucked up. So, well it doesn't matter now. I mean I'm dead.
Lastly, my boyfriend left me this morning 18/06/2026 and that is what has triggered my suicide.
One last time, thank you all for being there for me.
I hope you have found peace
