Method Goodbye thread (CTB tonight - in the next 5-6 hours)

[Judy Garland]

I feel like vsed would be way easier if you fast with just water for like ten days first and then go into the dry fast

That's a good idea. I'll have to keep that in mind. Luckily, I have two good sources of SN, I just don't want to rush things, it should still be good in September. Yeah yeah, I'm thinking of living all the way to then...though I shouldn't be, what am I living for?, Now my mind is thinking of the new Until Dawn game coming out in November....don't want to wait that long. So maybe a month or two. Hope you are doing ok crystalskies. I wouldn't worry about noise in the Hotel room. You said it was a chain hotel, and usually (especially chain hotels) make their building with concrete in between the rooms. You should be fine with noise.

 

[Out of Time]

Are you doing VSED? VSED is my backup method if my SN doesn't work. Last year, in September I did VSED for five days, and the only reason why I failed was because I was covered in mosquito bites from head to toe, and I was laying on cement under a bridge in the cold. That's the only reason why I failed, I couldn't take the mosquitos any more. I wish you all the best, and I hope you and the OP find your peace.

Oh I don't know vsed. What is it? In my research I found that going without water is effective. I'd read it before and put it in the back of my mind and looked into other options, but earlier this week when I was looking, I realized I had already gone 12 hours without food or drink without even realizing it, so I just kept going. I'm into the second day of this and am experiencing things physically that tell me I'm headed the right direction. The websites say that within 3-5 days your organs begin to shut down and the magic happens but that it could even take up to 10 days. I've been really drained and shakey, but also I have a fever and I've been puking. I wouldn't want the puking if I had ingested something, but I figure here it's progress. The more I pee and puke, the faster this will go. I didn't actually plan to go this route, but the opportunity arose and I took it. So far so good.

 

[crystalskies31]

Shame about the diazepam.

Propranolol will also speed up death if used at the same time as sn, death is around 1 hour compared to 1-4 hours without.

I have also read about heart issues but only when taking huge amounts like 2-3 grams, rather than the recommended 400mg.

I personally will use it as it will help me with anxiety, but it is your choice.

Update:

While it's really annoying that I don't have diazepam, I have been reading up on the use of propranolol, which I do have.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...all_pointless-passing-away-by-sn.44504/page-2

I've been reading that some people do vomit it up quickly, if taking it at the same time as the SN. So I'm thinking, maybe I can take it before hand and I'm trying to figure out the dose.

 

[thendfornow]

it seems to be a really solid prep that you have. i will ideally do the same thing. three glasses sound good.

 

[crystalskies31]

it seems to be a really solid prep that you have. i will ideally do the same thing. three glasses sound good.

Thank you. I thought about it for a long time.

 

[Out of Time]

Update:

While it's really annoying that I don't have diazepam, I have been reading up on the use of propranolol, which I do have.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...all_pointless-passing-away-by-sn.44504/page-2

I've been reading that some people do vomit it up quickly, if taking it at the same time as the SN. So I'm thinking, maybe I can take it before hand and I'm trying to figure out the dose.

If this helps, I put the powder into different coffee filters and tied it off. I made it like I was taking a pill. I saw that the lethal dose in grams was 25-30, so I converted that into teaspoons and it was just over 7 teaspoons for one lethal dose. I had to cut it down and whatnot so I could swallow it, and I didn't taste it until one of them broke. I don't think I'm describing this accurately, so if anyone has been in prison and made coffee balls out of toilet paper, it's that same idea.

Oh I don't know vsed. What is it? In my research I found that going without water is effective. I'd read it before and put it in the back of my mind and looked into other options, but earlier this week when I was looking, I realized I had already gone 12 hours without food or drink without even realizing it, so I just kept going. I'm into the second day of this and am experiencing things physically that tell me I'm headed the right direction. The websites say that within 3-5 days your organs begin to shut down and the magic happens but that it could even take up to 10 days. I've been really drained and shakey, but also I have a fever and I've been puking. I wouldn't want the puking if I had ingested something, but I figure here it's progress. The more I pee and puke, the faster this will go. I didn't actually plan to go this route, but the opportunity arose and I took it. So far so good.

Yes, I see it now, vsed. Yes, that's what I'm doing.

 

[crystalskies31]

Also, although I don't know who will read this, I wanted to report that Buccastem (active ingredient: Prochlorperazine) seems to be very well tolerated by me. This is still considered an effective AE by the PPH. I had a really terrible reaction to Meto before. Then I got Domp, but wasn't sure because I am on antidepressants etc. Buccastem does not interact with them, other than to make you more sleepy or sedated. I imagine this also caused me to feel more tiredness before the procedure. Anyway, for those who don't want the horribleness of meto, please consider this one instead.

 

[thendfornow]

Thank you. I thought about it for a long time.

hope u find peace.

 

[crystalskies31]

hope u find peace.

Thanks!

Update: Now considering mixing in some Propranolol with the SN drink. I don't think I want to do full 400 mg. Was thinking maybe 80-100mg in each drink? or similar. (since I will make several drinks).

Let's be honest/real about this. No-one really wants to die. It's terrifying. Of course part of putting it off is just fear. Even if I had 100% certainty that I would not be disturbed, that no-one would save me. It's in a way sad to think about how I will just die alone like that. And how it's kind of a risk with loads of unknowns, not a clean break.

Don't get me wrong, still want to do it. Just pointing out the truth

 

[nena21]

Let's be honest/real about this. No-one really wants to die. It's terrifying.

I agree. I dont want to die either. I just wanna be dead. Sadly I have to die first to be dead. The process is what scares me too.

 

[Dysgenic Pup]

do it!

There's a difference between respecting someone's decision and actively encouraging them to ctb. "Do it!" is suicide encouragement.

 

[crystalskies31]

Update:
Heading to bed now.
Having a lot of thoughts / feelings because I'm looking back at times in the past, when things were in my control although I didn't know at the time. Looking back, there were opportunities for me to make my life not the living hell it is today. It wouldn't fix everything but it would have been significantly better.
I'm sad I didn't take those opportunities. At the time, I didn't believe they were the right ones.
It's a shame. It's been a downward spiral ever since.
And it's complicated - it's not clearly mine or anyone else's fault but really a mix of everything.

 

[Deleted member 31858]

Update:
Heading to bed now.
Having a lot of thoughts / feelings because I'm looking back at times in the past, when things were in my control although I didn't know at the time. Looking back, there were opportunities for me to make my life not the living hell it is today. It wouldn't fix everything but it would have been significantly better.
I'm sad I didn't take those opportunities. At the time, I didn't believe they were the right ones.
It's a shame. It's been a downward spiral ever since.
And it's complicated - it's not clearly mine or anyone else's fault but really a mix of everything.

I totally understand how you feel, I feel the same way.
I wish that everything could be fixed and that nobody had to resort to this.
I hope you have peace of mind right now.
We are with you.

 

[peanuts]

Not sure how your hotel room is set up, but im wondering if you should make quite an obvious warning note to place just inside the entrance to your room, just so the hotel workers know what they're walking in to when they inevitably do a welfare check?

 

[LoveYoux]

Just want to say all the best, I hope whatever happens you manage to find peace
Good luck x

 

[crystalskies31]

Thanks everyone for your ideas.
I am glad I waited a bit.
I'd post what I thought about but don't want to put identifying stuff.
Basically, I found a more quiet area where I'm hoping I'll be heard less. At least from corridor.
Hopefully the room next door won't report me.
Now it's just about the timing. Can I bear to stretch til evening or do I do it now and risk maintenance etc. a bit more.
Is there even a perfect time.
If I don't write back, please assume I CTB but I'll probably write more.
I also thought about how it would be better to do it on the floor w/a cushion, and not in a bed to minimse the risk of falling over and knocking things.
Thanks for the nice comments about 'bravery'.
I wish it were seen as so.
From my research there will only be a few minutes of moaning etc. so it's just about hoping no-one hears that.
Also I want to do it as I'm hungry/thirsty all the time omg.
Will do it in the ensuite. Hopefully that's not too identifying.
Pls let me know if major issues with this. I heard it's an 'echo chamber' but it has a door which really gets rid of a LOT of noise

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I think you should consider knowing the cleaning schedule. I hope you find peace

 

[lostmyacc]

Thanks everyone for your ideas.
I am glad I waited a bit.
I'd post what I thought about but don't want to put identifying stuff.
Basically, I found a more quiet area where I'm hoping I'll be heard less. At least from corridor.
Hopefully the room next door won't report me.
Now it's just about the timing. Can I bear to stretch til evening or do I do it now and risk maintenance etc. a bit more.
Is there even a perfect time.
If I don't write back, please assume I CTB but I'll probably write more.
I also thought about how it would be better to do it on the floor w/a cushion, and not in a bed to minimse the risk of falling over and knocking things.
Thanks for the nice comments about 'bravery'.
I wish it were seen as so.
From my research there will only be a few minutes of moaning etc. so it's just about hoping no-one hears that.
Also I want to do it as I'm hungry/thirsty all the time omg.

I am pretty much of the opinion that there is never a perfect time, but there are times where it just will not feel right for very substantial reasons, it's ok to backdown eitherway.

 

[crystalskies31]

It makes me feel a lot more comfortable with the whole thing.

I think you should consider knowing the cleaning schedule. I hope you find peace

Don't think there is one?
It's random

 

[nena21]

im drunk living my last day. i better or ill be FUCKED. anyway. i have done the same thing for many months now. thinking oh someone might be on the hallway and hear me. oh im too tired. I am NOT encouraging you to do anything. i guess our SI is looking for excuses. for the "best moment." but itll never come. im about to be homeless again. no money. out of food. and im still like "oh someone might hear me in the hallway. gotta wait till night again." i guess this is what our brains do to keep us here. sorry im just honest. just talking from my perspective.

 

[crystalskies31]

Update:
Made the drinks.
Doing final prep.

Here's hoping no-one hears me for the next 4 hours.
Doing it in 15 minutes. Can't lie, it's scary. Just want to get it over and done.

 

[london3]

Update:
Made the drinks.
Doing final prep.

Here's hoping no-one hears me for the next 4 hours.

Hi, i hope you are more relaxed now? If there are no cleaners i think you should be ok.

I hope you are at peace and your worries will soon be over.

Peace out

 

[crystalskies31]

Hi, i hope you are more relaxed now? If there are no cleaners i think you should be ok.

I hope you are at peace and your worries will soon be over.

Peace out

Yes no cleaners coming to my room
Taking propranolol helped with anxiety.
It would have been IDEAL to have valium/diazepam but sadly not the case.
I would advise someone take a small dose of propranolol such as 10mg and a small dose of valium to calm nerves.
I hope this thread helps someone.

 

[london3]

Yes no cleaners coming to my room
Taking propranolol helped with anxiety.

You can always run the water tap in the bathroom sink to make a bit of noise as well as have the tv on. This should distract people to any noises coming from your room.

You can always run the water tap in the bathroom sink to make a bit of noise as well as have the tv on. This should distract people to any noises coming from your room.

How much propranolol did you use?

 

[crystalskies31]

We're here with you. If it helps there is a chat room you can come into and talk.

Thank you. i think I might find chat a bit overwhelming.
I only feel slightly guilty for not documenting the process

You can always run the water tap in the bathroom sink to make a bit of noise as well as have the tv on. This should distract people to any noises coming from your room.

How much propranolol did you use?

I just took 10 mg for anxiety.
Thanks for your support everyone.
My main two thoughts are:
1. Why did it have to come to this?
2. I really, really hope this works.

I am now confident I've done nearly everything in my power to make this successful

 

[london3]

Thank you. i think I might find chat a bit overwhelming.
I only feel slightly guilty for not documenting the process

I just took 10 mg for anxiety.

I think documenting the process helps other users in terms of preparation etc

Also describing your feelings as well as physical symptoms with timings is helpful as well

 

[london3]

Thank you. i think I might find chat a bit overwhelming.
I only feel slightly guilty for not documenting the process

I just took 10 mg for anxiety.
Thanks for your support everyone.
My main two thoughts are:
1. Why did it have to come to this?
2. I really, really hope this works.

I am now confident I've done nearly everything in my power to make this successful

I hope you do not mind me asking what the main reason for doing this is?

Just trying to get an insight of what lead you to this decision?

 

[Shu]

I think documenting the process helps other users in terms of preparation etc

Also describing your feelings as well as physical symptoms with timings is helpful as well

If they don't feel comfortable doing it, then that's fine. There are tons of other threads where people have documented their experience.

yes i am encouraging him because its terrifying and maybe he need encouragment i would like to get encouragments myself when i do it. i dont see anything wrong.

Did you not get the memo from the warning you received from the mods?

 

[Deleted member 31858]

we are here with you.
I hope you find what you need.
I wish you peace.

 

[london3]

If they don't feel comfortable doing it, then that's fine. There are tons of other threads where people have documented their experience.

Did you not get the memo from the warning you received from the mods?

yes saying.... do it!... is not helpful

making the ultimate decision should be a time where you are as calm as possible to be successful and not be encouraged by outsiders.

the final decision should be calm and rational as much as feasibly possible