Farmmaa
Specialist
- Dec 4, 2019
- 343
Well , it's almost that time. If all goes as planned, I'll be checking out tomorrow evening ( Sunday ).
I was going to wait until Monday in order to avoid all of the weekend warriors up in the bush, but with the cold front that's supposed to blow in tomorrow night, I'm really not in to hiking and doing this when it's -20.
My plan is to head up into the mountains around 3:00 Pacific time. This will give me more than an hour before dusk to hike to a good spot... and by then any weekenders should be packing up and heading home. The recent snowfall might dictate how far I drive and how far I then have to hike to find a secluded spot - the snow gets dramatically deep a very short drive up the hills.
I'm hoping that there won't be anyone near the spot my pup and I loved to go... no views, but a beautiful hike along the canyon bottom with huge rock faces on either side, beautiful western red cedars and a creek flowing along the trail. My vehicle will be left parked at the road so that it can be spotted easily the next morning.
I have .25g of China White ( Fentanyl HCL + synthetic H analog ). ( 250 mg )
There is really no way to know exactly how much F is in it, but even if it's only 10%, I should still have more than enough to do the job since the LD50 is approx. 20 mg.
I've been researching everything I can about this product and 80% of what I've seen says that it's very strong and to start out with very small doses - .05 mg.
People have OD'd on this same product. One guy has a tolerance to other opioids and had to receive Narcan after snorting .05
Since I have zero experience with inserting an IV needle - and I do not want to be found with a needle in my arm, I will be taking most of it via rectal absorption ( plugging ), using a 1 ml syringe without the needle. I will reserve about 1/4 of it to put under my tongue.
I was really hoping to be able to get some benzos for added insurance, but my Dr is an ass and wouldn't give me any... despite the fact that I have zero prescription drugs on my file, except for my migraine meds. He did give me Mirtazapine which actually really sedated me last night... so not the same thing, but hopefully will help out a bit.
I want this to look accidental, so I'm hesitating on adding alcohol... because I really never drink and that would be a dead giveaway.
At the same time, I am absolutely terrified to have this fail... it just can't. I've got one shot.
I am going to be sending several members a link to a local news site so that they can keep an eye out for any write ups.... I would like people to know if the method and amount is effective. It is 100% peaceful from all accounts... but those people were all found in time to get Narcan.
Whether there is anything in the news, I can't say for sure... because I really don't think anyone will know I'm missing for quite a while. So... there will be no missing person report or search efforts - but the news is usually right on any signs of a body being discovered.
If I don't pay my power bill by Monday, my landlords will try to contact me... but I feel like a dick stiffing them that money so I'll see.
If it works... I do urge others to look in to it is a valid choice.
This hasn't been an easy decision and it certainly isn't something spur of the moment. I have been contemplating this for years now but decided to keep trying, just one more time. over and over again. Stay for my kids. Stay for my pup. Cancel all thoughts when my brother and niece were killed because I couldn't put my family through that hell again so soon. Try a better job. Move to another place. Try to start a business. Try, try, try. Work from 6:00 am until 9:00 pm every day.
And... I am worse off than I've ever been. I'm 57 years old. I have nerve damage and degenerative disease in my neck, hands and body. Realistically, I can only keep doing physical work for a few more years, at the most. My debt just keeps piling up. My phone has been turned down for two months because - bill collectors all day long. Chronic pain on top of it... and I'm tired. I'm just too damn tired to keep working and fighting and getting nowhere.
I want to thank everyone here for all of the kindness and support shown to myself and everyone who comes looking for help. It is a community that no one else can understand. Only those of us who are living this nightmare can grasp the need for the support and understanding found here.
Thank you all.
I will be updating the Fent thread I started before I go tomorrow so that the information will be here for those who come after me to research and learn from.
I was going to wait until Monday in order to avoid all of the weekend warriors up in the bush, but with the cold front that's supposed to blow in tomorrow night, I'm really not in to hiking and doing this when it's -20.
My plan is to head up into the mountains around 3:00 Pacific time. This will give me more than an hour before dusk to hike to a good spot... and by then any weekenders should be packing up and heading home. The recent snowfall might dictate how far I drive and how far I then have to hike to find a secluded spot - the snow gets dramatically deep a very short drive up the hills.
I'm hoping that there won't be anyone near the spot my pup and I loved to go... no views, but a beautiful hike along the canyon bottom with huge rock faces on either side, beautiful western red cedars and a creek flowing along the trail. My vehicle will be left parked at the road so that it can be spotted easily the next morning.
I have .25g of China White ( Fentanyl HCL + synthetic H analog ). ( 250 mg )
There is really no way to know exactly how much F is in it, but even if it's only 10%, I should still have more than enough to do the job since the LD50 is approx. 20 mg.
I've been researching everything I can about this product and 80% of what I've seen says that it's very strong and to start out with very small doses - .05 mg.
People have OD'd on this same product. One guy has a tolerance to other opioids and had to receive Narcan after snorting .05
Since I have zero experience with inserting an IV needle - and I do not want to be found with a needle in my arm, I will be taking most of it via rectal absorption ( plugging ), using a 1 ml syringe without the needle. I will reserve about 1/4 of it to put under my tongue.
I was really hoping to be able to get some benzos for added insurance, but my Dr is an ass and wouldn't give me any... despite the fact that I have zero prescription drugs on my file, except for my migraine meds. He did give me Mirtazapine which actually really sedated me last night... so not the same thing, but hopefully will help out a bit.
I want this to look accidental, so I'm hesitating on adding alcohol... because I really never drink and that would be a dead giveaway.
At the same time, I am absolutely terrified to have this fail... it just can't. I've got one shot.
I am going to be sending several members a link to a local news site so that they can keep an eye out for any write ups.... I would like people to know if the method and amount is effective. It is 100% peaceful from all accounts... but those people were all found in time to get Narcan.
Whether there is anything in the news, I can't say for sure... because I really don't think anyone will know I'm missing for quite a while. So... there will be no missing person report or search efforts - but the news is usually right on any signs of a body being discovered.
If I don't pay my power bill by Monday, my landlords will try to contact me... but I feel like a dick stiffing them that money so I'll see.
If it works... I do urge others to look in to it is a valid choice.
This hasn't been an easy decision and it certainly isn't something spur of the moment. I have been contemplating this for years now but decided to keep trying, just one more time. over and over again. Stay for my kids. Stay for my pup. Cancel all thoughts when my brother and niece were killed because I couldn't put my family through that hell again so soon. Try a better job. Move to another place. Try to start a business. Try, try, try. Work from 6:00 am until 9:00 pm every day.
And... I am worse off than I've ever been. I'm 57 years old. I have nerve damage and degenerative disease in my neck, hands and body. Realistically, I can only keep doing physical work for a few more years, at the most. My debt just keeps piling up. My phone has been turned down for two months because - bill collectors all day long. Chronic pain on top of it... and I'm tired. I'm just too damn tired to keep working and fighting and getting nowhere.
I want to thank everyone here for all of the kindness and support shown to myself and everyone who comes looking for help. It is a community that no one else can understand. Only those of us who are living this nightmare can grasp the need for the support and understanding found here.
Thank you all.
I will be updating the Fent thread I started before I go tomorrow so that the information will be here for those who come after me to research and learn from.
Last edited:
