What do I do I don't wanna go but I feel like I can't freely express myself to anyone because I always have this wall to block people out of my emotions.
therapist doesn't make you say anything you don't want to. you talk as much or as little as you want on the subject you feel like talking about that day. you don't need to have anything planned in your head on your first visit either. lastly maybe you will find a video call easier to start with. good luck
If you feel like that would help you, you should defenitely try it. I go to therapy too and I have a very good experience with it. It probably wont cure your whole mental life but for me it helps to talk to somebody who isnt connected to my family or friends so I can let everything out without being judged or being worried that family/friends will know about smth
What kind of therapy is it? I think that on your first time you talk about a short synopsis of your life, you can mention your trauma but not go into any details yet. Maybe you will be asked about how you feel and to introduce yourself and your social circle.
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