monetpompo
don't tell me to dm you! (> <)
- Apr 21, 2025
- 805
i've been dreading leaving my house more and more not because i hate going out, but because i hate being around people. if i could go places completely devoid of people and be alone i would be happier than having to go to places bustling with people just because i want to run an errand or because i'm attending an event somewhere. because i've spent so much time inside it's hard to block out the noise of being around so many people and fixating on how i'm alone, don't pass as a trans person, and how i look younger than i actually am because i'm short. i just feel like a loser.
i hate leaving my house, even if i like getting away from my family, because i still eventually have to get back to my family anyways. it's gotten colder out and that makes it harder for me to walk around when i don't have a car. i can't loiter outside because i'll get too cold and if i loiter inside i need to buy food to be allowed to sit down. it's depressing to know it's just anti-homelessness measures. christmas is kind of fucked up when you're sitting outside in the cold while you wait for your dad to pick you up.
i'm not really close enough with my friends to call most of them friends. i can't invite them to anything and in most cases i wouldn't invite them to anything, since i'd be worried about it being seen as too datey to hang out one on one. it's harder to arrange things with people when i don't have a license either. it feels like every time i go outside i'm just reminded of how i'm alone because there's couples and friends everywhere while no one wants to hang out with me. i compare myself to everybody around me. i get jealous i have no one i can have fun with and talk to. i don't want to go on dates or hang out with guys just to not be alone because i hate having sex or being in a relationship for company. i don't know how to get close to people because the only people that would want to be close with me have to be sexually attracted to me instead of platonically interested in me, because i'm not good enough for people to want to hang out with.
every day i sulk about the same things. it's better to stay in my house because i think that i look too miserable if i leave it.
i hate leaving my house, even if i like getting away from my family, because i still eventually have to get back to my family anyways. it's gotten colder out and that makes it harder for me to walk around when i don't have a car. i can't loiter outside because i'll get too cold and if i loiter inside i need to buy food to be allowed to sit down. it's depressing to know it's just anti-homelessness measures. christmas is kind of fucked up when you're sitting outside in the cold while you wait for your dad to pick you up.
i'm not really close enough with my friends to call most of them friends. i can't invite them to anything and in most cases i wouldn't invite them to anything, since i'd be worried about it being seen as too datey to hang out one on one. it's harder to arrange things with people when i don't have a license either. it feels like every time i go outside i'm just reminded of how i'm alone because there's couples and friends everywhere while no one wants to hang out with me. i compare myself to everybody around me. i get jealous i have no one i can have fun with and talk to. i don't want to go on dates or hang out with guys just to not be alone because i hate having sex or being in a relationship for company. i don't know how to get close to people because the only people that would want to be close with me have to be sexually attracted to me instead of platonically interested in me, because i'm not good enough for people to want to hang out with.
every day i sulk about the same things. it's better to stay in my house because i think that i look too miserable if i leave it.
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