One final word to the wise (I'm obviously on a roll here today and assuming my input has any value: this thread hit the jackpot for some reason).
Don't anybody here go too hard on themselves or go feeling that there's something wrong with themselves or go blaming themselves for how they're feeling and what their intentions are.
I honestly do believe that a lot of all of this has to do with genetics e.g. depression (and sometimes suicide which I believe are inexorably linked together in some cases). Same with addiction (and I suppose one or two other things that are not applicable here). True: depression and suicide could be the result of traumatic experiences. But I honestly believe that most that suffer from these, let's call them afflictions shall we, are genetically predisposed to them (and believe me when I say I'm living proof of this notion). Nobody asked to be depressed, anxious, addicted to a substance, permanently on the down, the list goes on. All that's needed in cases as I am describing is a trigger of some sort which may happen early in life or in later years. So you're not odd or different from others. You just got a bit of a raw deal. What steps you take to improve matters, or not, is of course up to the individual.
And in closing: to me there is a difference between "living" and simply "being alive". Two very different things. And not to mention a quality of life. This COVID debacle has taken its toll in ways that I don't think most have even thought about yet. Every day I see a new person on the street begging (you can see they're new on the street because they've not as yet developed that thousand yard stare and still look presentable). Back to my PROBABILITY argument: the PROBABILITY of that person EVER getting another job, replacing his home, his car, his pride, in some cases his family, and basically getting back his former life, is EXTREMELY low to none (and gets progressively worse the longer he is on the street). So "life" consists of sleeping in a park somewhere under a piece of plastic (in Winter here now), waking up, spending the day begging for enough to buy food to survive, and then back to the piece of plastic and in the rough for the night. That's not LIVING. That's simply BEING ALIVE for he sake of it. And THAT I just cannot get my head around. Some of these guys are so young they probably have fifty or so years to go before dying of natural causes. And they're going to spend the rest of their lives HOPING something will change and that "things will get better" while living like that and having to put up with abuse from drivers passing by probably every hour or so? Nah. That's MY "line in the sand" anyway. And ironically: I've come to have respect for them because they're better men than I am i.e. I couldn't, and wouldn't, allow myself to get to that point. And that's why I believe (which I've stated somewhere earlier): sometimes things have simply just gone too far and there's no chance of recovery.
Don't anybody here go too hard on themselves or go feeling that there's something wrong with themselves or go blaming themselves for how they're feeling and what their intentions are.
I honestly do believe that a lot of all of this has to do with genetics e.g. depression (and sometimes suicide which I believe are inexorably linked together in some cases). Same with addiction (and I suppose one or two other things that are not applicable here). True: depression and suicide could be the result of traumatic experiences. But I honestly believe that most that suffer from these, let's call them afflictions shall we, are genetically predisposed to them (and believe me when I say I'm living proof of this notion). Nobody asked to be depressed, anxious, addicted to a substance, permanently on the down, the list goes on. All that's needed in cases as I am describing is a trigger of some sort which may happen early in life or in later years. So you're not odd or different from others. You just got a bit of a raw deal. What steps you take to improve matters, or not, is of course up to the individual.
And in closing: to me there is a difference between "living" and simply "being alive". Two very different things. And not to mention a quality of life. This COVID debacle has taken its toll in ways that I don't think most have even thought about yet. Every day I see a new person on the street begging (you can see they're new on the street because they've not as yet developed that thousand yard stare and still look presentable). Back to my PROBABILITY argument: the PROBABILITY of that person EVER getting another job, replacing his home, his car, his pride, in some cases his family, and basically getting back his former life, is EXTREMELY low to none (and gets progressively worse the longer he is on the street). So "life" consists of sleeping in a park somewhere under a piece of plastic (in Winter here now), waking up, spending the day begging for enough to buy food to survive, and then back to the piece of plastic and in the rough for the night. That's not LIVING. That's simply BEING ALIVE for he sake of it. And THAT I just cannot get my head around. Some of these guys are so young they probably have fifty or so years to go before dying of natural causes. And they're going to spend the rest of their lives HOPING something will change and that "things will get better" while living like that and having to put up with abuse from drivers passing by probably every hour or so? Nah. That's MY "line in the sand" anyway. And ironically: I've come to have respect for them because they're better men than I am i.e. I couldn't, and wouldn't, allow myself to get to that point. And that's why I believe (which I've stated somewhere earlier): sometimes things have simply just gone too far and there's no chance of recovery.
