Getting Out of Bed

[BumperCrop]

I haven't left my bed since Friday except to use the washroom. I'll sleep for a few hours before waking up sweaty and panicked from nightmares, after which I can't fall back asleep, so mostly I read about death on this forum; it's a slight comfort, or it's enabling. Just as soon as I return to sleep, I'm woken by the nightmares. I've been on this awful loop of suicidal ideation and nightmares and apathy for two days and I can't take it anymore. I haven't taken my medication since the beginning of this ordeal. I'm beginning to worry about withdrawals. This can't go on any longer.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You are in the depressive ideation loop. I've been there. It's almost like an addiction. Can you say what's brought you to this state?

 

[Oyoy]

I'm in my bed too

 

[S1mpleme]

I haven't left my bed since Friday except to use the washroom. I'll sleep for a few hours before waking up sweaty and panicked from nightmares, after which I can't fall back asleep, so mostly I read about death on this forum; it's a slight comfort, or it's enabling. Just as soon as I return to sleep, I'm woken by the nightmares. I've been on this awful loop of suicidal ideation and nightmares and apathy for two days and I can't take it anymore. I haven't taken my medication since the beginning of this ordeal. I'm beginning to worry about withdrawals. This can't go on any longer.

Sounds like my last night.

 

[antler]

I've been there before, it can feel a lot safer when you're wrapped up and hidden away from everything. I'd be there forever if I could. I hope it gets better though, that place really only feels safe, especially if the meds are going by the wayside.

 

[Egddios]

Did you choose to stop taking the meds or are you out of meds? I'm sorry you are suffering. I haven't left my apartment since Friday, similarly haven't really gotten out bed except to use the bathroom.

 

[Mr2005]

The reading about death thing didn't sound very comforting. Are you sure you're not giving yourself nightmares?

 

[Largeletters]

I haven't left my bed since Friday except to use the washroom. I'll sleep for a few hours before waking up sweaty and panicked from nightmares, after which I can't fall back asleep, so mostly I read about death on this forum; it's a slight comfort, or it's enabling. Just as soon as I return to sleep, I'm woken by the nightmares. I've been on this awful loop of suicidal ideation and nightmares and apathy for two days and I can't take it anymore. I haven't taken my medication since the beginning of this ordeal. I'm beginning to worry about withdrawals. This can't go on any longer.

I completely understand what you're going through... with the not getting out of bed, of course. I have little to no experience with nightmares, however... I would think there is some medication to help control that. I hope you can pull yourself out of this seemingly endless loop.
Side note.. I love your profile picture, Keith Haring.

 

[BumperCrop]

You are in the depressive ideation loop. I've been there. It's almost like an addiction. Can you say what's brought you to this state?

I drank heavily Friday night. After drinking alcohol I find I'm severely depressed for up to a week. Still, despite the consequences, I drink often.

I've been there before, it can feel a lot safer when you're wrapped up and hidden away from everything. I'd be there forever if I could. I hope it gets better though, that place really only feels safe, especially if the meds are going by the wayside.

Mmm, it is only a temporary comfort. I have responsibilities to tend to tomorrow and I will have to leave my bed. I hope I feel better in the morning.

Did you choose to stop taking the meds or are you out of meds? I'm sorry you are suffering. I haven't left my apartment since Friday, similarly haven't really gotten out bed except to use the bathroom.

I have 1/2 a month's supply. The only reason I haven't taken them is I have felt too weak to walk upstairs. I don't want to see the daylight, either. I've kept all the lights off in my bedroom.

I hope you find a good reason to get out of the apartment. :)

The reading about death thing didn't sound very comforting. Are you sure you're not giving yourself nightmares?

That's what I mean about enabling. Reading about suicide when I'm so vulnerable is comforting, in that I can feed my fantasy, but it's also driving the cycle.

Tonight I'll try eating a meal and picking up a book. And taking my goddamn medication.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I think you understand your situation well and you know how to try and break out of it. Definitely have a read, just not on here.
As a former alcoholic I totally get the booze thing. It's a fix it now solution with a much worse long term payback. Now is always more important than the future, but the future always comes.

 

[Mr2005]

Fantasy? Is that what this is to you? If your going to suffer make it worthwhile like I'm doing now. And get some of this in your life https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/lovely-bunnies.32900/

 

[BumperCrop]

Fantasy? Is that what this is to you? If your going to suffer make it worthwhile like I'm doing now. And get some of this in your life https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/lovely-bunnies.32900/

In the last five years I have attempted suicide three times. In the last six months I have struggled more than I have in my entire life. I am trying my hardest to stay alive. Suicide is more than a fantasy to me.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm so sorry you struggle with that. I can't be all day in bed. Only if I'm alone maybe. But I don't want my family to see me like that. Go jogging if you can do it. I run for people that can't do it and makes me feel good.

 

[BumperCrop]

I'm so sorry you struggle with that. I can't be all day in bed. Only if I'm alone maybe. But I don't want my family to see me like that. Go jogging if you can do it. I run for people that can't do it and makes me feel good.

I have been swimming three times a week the last couple months, but my shoulder was acting up last week and I decided to rest. I'll swim tomorrow evening. Swimming always perks me up.

In other news, I got out of bed and made a meal. I took my medication. If I can sleep tonight, tomorrow will be a better day.

 

[Largeletters]

I have been swimming three times a week the last couple months, but my shoulder was acting up last week and I decided to rest. I'll swim tomorrow evening. Swimming always perks me up.

In other news, I got out of bed and made a meal. I took my medication. If I can sleep tonight, tomorrow will be a better day.

Glad to hear it!