I'd always prefer to avoid existence.
No matter what I truly would prefer to avoid existence, I wish to avoid existence and all the endless harm, suffering and cruelty it causes, ceasing to exist truly is always preferable for me than being trapped in this cruel, torturous existence just waiting and hoping to die anyway. Personally I just wish for an eternal, dreamless sleep free from all pain and suffering, all I hope for is the absence of existence where all is finally gone and forgotten about for me, I'd always prefer to die but more than anything I wish I could erase my existence like I never suffered as I'd always prefer to avoid existence.
I'd never wish to suffer at all, I'd never wish for the torment and cruelty of existing as a conscious being, the way I see it existence just brings suffering, all of which so futile and unnecessary to me, I'd never wish to exist and personally I find it deeply undesirable to exist. All I've ever hoped for and wished for is to never suffer in this existence again, personally I've never seen any point and value to suffering in this existence I always saw as a terrible, tragic mistake rather I'd prefer to avoid existence no matter what. I wish to be permanently unconscious for all eternity where I'm incapable of suffering in any way with all finally forgotten about for me, I'd rather prevent suffering and escape from it rather than prolong it just to end up way more tortured and tormented, I'd always prefer to avoid existence and the fact that I cannot just have a death like falling into an eternal, dreamless sleep just brings me so much pain as all I hope for is peace from all the cruelty and suffering, I truly was never meant to suffer in this existence.