Help Fully prepared to CTB but afraid of pain

[doublecupj]

I have had suicide on my mind for probably the last decade and now I feel that I am fully ready. Last December I purchased a 12 gauge pump action shotgun, which has never been fired. I also have .00 buckshot shells. I live in the US so the whole process was incredibly simple. I walked right into a sporting goods store and purchased the things I needed.

I am planning to drive somewhere extremely remote, leave a note for my family, and shoot myself through the roof of the mouth aiming for the brain stem. I know that the success rate for this method with the tools I have acquired is quite high.

For some reason, maybe it's my survival instinct, I fear being in pain and agony after the shot. I chose this method because it seems that it would be the most instant. But for some reason in the back of my mind I worry that it will not be. I also worry about failure.

The only thing that makes me feel better is the fact that I know people who have been hit really hard in the head and they are immediately rendered unconscious. My logic is, if you take a very hard punch from Mike Tyson to the skull you are probably going to be knocked unaware until you recover. A shotgun blast is much more powerful and fast than a punch from Mike Tyson. So logically, I probably don't have anything to worry about? I guess I'm just looking for someone to reassure me. Thanks.

 

[theboy]

The shot will hit you before you are hit by the shotgun.
You have nothing to worry about

I hope you find peace and I'm sorry you made this decision.

 

[gehlertjohansson@gm]

I have had suicide on my mind for probably the last decade and now I feel that I am fully ready. Last December I purchased a 12 gauge pump action shotgun, which has never been fired. I also have .00 buckshot shells. I live in the US so the whole process was incredibly simple. I walked right into a sporting goods store and purchased the things I needed.

I am planning to drive somewhere extremely remote, leave a note for my family, and shoot myself through the roof of the mouth aiming for the brain stem. I know that the success rate for this method with the tools I have acquired is quite high.

For some reason, maybe it's my survival instinct, I fear being in pain and agony after the shot. I chose this method because it seems that it would be the most instant. But for some reason in the back of my mind I worry that it will not be. I also worry about failure.

The only thing that makes me feel better is the fact that I know people who have been hit really hard in the head and they are immediately rendered unconscious. My logic is, if you take a very hard punch from Mike Tyson to the skull you are probably going to be knocked unaware until you recover. A shotgun blast is much more powerful and fast than a punch from Mike Tyson. So logically, I probably don't have anything to worry about? I guess I'm just looking for someone to reassure me. Thanks.

I'm thinking of you. I would be very interested in hearing from you if things didn't go as planned or if you backed out at the last minute or something. But I hope it went as you wanted it to.
I think our survival instinct is extremely powerful unfortunately and I wouldn't be surprised if you just can't get your body to do as you want to. All the best to you, wherever you are now.