Fucking hate my SH scars

[hurts2b]

I have visible self harm scars all over me. Ugly as hell. I hate that can't just exist in short sleeves. As a 14/yo I didn't give a shit about the idea of permanence.

Now I'm dealing with the fallout. I'm going to read as "mentally ill" forever so long as I don't make an effort to cover it up.

I don't even want to live much longer. But like. SH scars cost (even small) opportunities in a way that's hard to articulate.

In a personal sense, it just really sucks.

 

[p49CwWzD]

I feel you. It's something that's been on my mind a lot recently since the place where I live hits 90+ degree temperatures for half the year, and it's just not practical to wear long sleeves most of the time.

For a little bit, I didn't give a shit and would wear what I wanted with confidence. I catch people staring every single time I go out in public, but for a while it didn't bother me. I've been feeling more self conscious lately, maybe because I'm pushing 30 and it's not as "permissible" as when I was a teenager, or maybe just because I've been going through a rough patch in general. But maybe it's possible to reach that level of confidence again.

 

[Misanthrope0000]

I have visible self harm scars all over me. Ugly as hell. I hate that can't just exist in short sleeves. As a 14/yo I didn't give a shit about the idea of permanence.

Now I'm dealing with the fallout. I'm going to read as "mentally ill" forever so long as I don't make an effort to cover it up.

I don't even want to live much longer. But like. SH scars cost (even small) opportunities in a way that's hard to articulate.

In a personal sense, it just really sucks.

I started self harming when I was 14 and I'm 21 now, still do, just not as much and yeah they fucking suck, I thought I'd be okay with it not until I keep overhearing people gossiping about my scars and being so judgmental, I'm like fuck do I need to hide my arms forever just to avoid potential bullying especially in places like school/work??

 

[hurts2b]

I started self harming when I was 14 and I'm 21 now, still do, just not as much and yeah they fucking suck, I thought I'd be okay with it not until I keep overhearing people gossiping about my scars and being so judgmental, I'm like fuck do I need to hide my arms forever just to avoid potential bullying especially in places like school/work??

Same age as you minus a year. Dealt with a similar situation in the past. I'm too isolated (currently) to fully feel the full impact yet.

I get it though. Other people's gossiping is unavoidable. It's really hard to think about forever that way. Yet the consequences really are forever.

I get you. It's exhausting....

I feel you. It's something that's been on my mind a lot recently since the place where I live hits 90+ degree temperatures for half the year, and it's just not practical to wear long sleeves most of the time.

For a little bit, I didn't give a shit and would wear what I wanted with confidence. I catch people staring every single time I go out in public, but for a while it didn't bother me. I've been feeling more self conscious lately, maybe because I'm pushing 30 and it's not as "permissible" as when I was a teenager, or maybe just because I've been going through a rough patch in general. But maybe it's possible to reach that level of confidence again.

I had to look up the conversion (to c°) for the temp. Holy hell I would not survive.

 

[idfwlnh]

I used to always wear long sleeves or a jacket. Summer is at from 35-42 degree celsius around where I lived. I don't like it for people to see those scars.

 

[onedayillbok]

I have visible self harm scars all over me. Ugly as hell. I hate that can't just exist in short sleeves. As a 14/yo I didn't give a shit about the idea of permanence.

Now I'm dealing with the fallout. I'm going to read as "mentally ill" forever so long as I don't make an effort to cover it up.

I don't even want to live much longer. But like. SH scars cost (even small) opportunities in a way that's hard to articulate.

In a personal sense, it just really sucks.

I have had SH battles for over 25 years. Even got tattoos to cover some up. They helped the visible ones have less comments.

 

[CellarBoy]

I have visible self harm scars all over me. Ugly as hell. I hate that can't just exist in short sleeves. As a 14/yo I didn't give a shit about the idea of permanence.

Now I'm dealing with the fallout. I'm going to read as "mentally ill" forever so long as I don't make an effort to cover it up.

I don't even want to live much longer. But like. SH scars cost (even small) opportunities in a way that's hard to articulate.

In a personal sense, it just really sucks.

I understand. I did it when I was young and really regret it. There isn't much you can do about it, but the way I see it, if they're willing to judge you over your history of self harm or mental illness, they aren't worth your time.

 

[thelostautistic]

You're not alone. I hate mine so much and really regret it now.

 

[aroll]

I understand. They never bothered me when I was younger, I even wore them proudly at some point. But now, not so much. I hate them sm and I'm so ashamed of them. I try to cover them up as much as I can, but it's hard in hot weather. I just don't know what to do.

 

[Bitterly_Nostalgic]

I haven't had anyone comment on mine yet, but I always cringe a little when I'm in situations where others would be able to clearly see them. I really hate mine from the standpoint that they're just a reminder of the pain I was and still am dealing with. I will always regret giving into the desire to SH.

 

[Bikishii]

They'll fade in time. They really will, I promise. I haven't cut since late 2012/early 2013, and even though I sliced myself plenty, they never get more obvious over the years. They fade, they begin to disappear. Not forever, at least not yet after almost 14 years, but over the years enough. I haven't had a single person make any unwarranted comments since late 2014/early 2015. I have plenty on my forearms and my calves and thighs, let alone other parts of my body, and at this point they're not visible enough unless you look close. I'm not ashamed of my "zebra stripes" as I call them, but I don't flaunt them either. They're just there, a part of me.

I can't speak for you, we all have different experiences and different paths, and it's not my place to tell you whether you should or shouldn't feel okay about your SH scars. I'm just hear to say that you don't have to feel bad about them, and that it's possible to come to feel neutral towards them. Whatever direction you go in, I hope you're able to ease yourself of this feeling. It's not some scarlet letter that will follow you forever, you aren't branded MENTALLY ILL right on your forehead, they're just a mark on your body, but they are not you. Sending you a digital hug, internet stranger

 

[hurts2b]

Well, who put it there.
Should've had one of those rubix cubes or something instead.

Alright man whatever you say

 

[p49CwWzD]

Since this thread came back up, I thought I would plug compression sleeves Find some that are made of a cool/breathable material for outdoor workers and they're almost as cool as bare arms. I invested in a set because my work uniform requires short sleeves, and they've made me so much more comfortable this spring.

 

[HeyBoogahJr]

I have visible self harm scars all over me. Ugly as hell. I hate that can't just exist in short sleeves. As a 14/yo I didn't give a shit about the idea of permanence.

Now I'm dealing with the fallout. I'm going to read as "mentally ill" forever so long as I don't make an effort to cover it up.

I don't even want to live much longer. But like. SH scars cost (even small) opportunities in a way that's hard to articulate.

In a personal sense, it just really sucks.

I'm sorry you feel that way about your scars, it must be tough to have to look at them and other people judge you for them. Do you have to cover them up? Why do you hate them so? Should it matter if other people term you as mentally ill? What are your thoughts?

 

[PanaxMan]

I have visible self harm scars all over me. Ugly as hell. I hate that can't just exist in short sleeves. As a 14/yo I didn't give a shit about the idea of permanence.

Now I'm dealing with the fallout. I'm going to read as "mentally ill" forever so long as I don't make an effort to cover it up.

I don't even want to live much longer. But like. SH scars cost (even small) opportunities in a way that's hard to articulate.

In a personal sense, it just really sucks.

It's why I'm glad I never did sh. It's way too risky

 

[lilb0wpeep]

It's funny because I find myself resisting the urge to sh a lot lately, and actively doing so rn. And even though I've been so sick of being stuck wearing long sleeves with elastics holding them down/in place for the past 6(?) years, I still wanna do it. It's getting warmer and just thinking about having to wear long sleeves while working in a kitchen all summer(again) makes me sick to my stomach. One of the only reasons keeping me from making new scars is that an accidental slip 'flashing' faded old white scars is a lot more unnoticeable than accidentally flashing a bright red arm of fresh ones.
That's said I might just do it anyways and hope for the best.

 

[u_unoriginal]

Feeling this... Sh'ed from 8-20 and relapsed at the start of this year at 23, and I'm now 24 and now going into warmer weather I'm realising how fucked I am and how much I took for granted being 3years clean and being able to wear short sleeves guilt free

 

[lilypeaches]

I feel the same way. I recently relapsed and I have a wedding to attend in a week. My dress doesn't have sleeves and the venue will be too hot to cover up comfortably.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I feel the same way. I recently relapsed and I have a wedding to attend in a week. My dress doesn't have sleeves and the venue will be too hot to cover up comfortably.

maybe you can use makeup to cover the scars up?

Source: I've seen this in S1E3 of Intervention, where Tamela uses it to cover scars (on Samsung TV).

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't understand self harm specifically, but I understand how bad you must feel to want to do it. I'm squeamish so I could never hurt myself intentionally in that way... but I get the combination of wanting to punish yourself or wanting to feel something real and having some measure of control over your life and what happens to you. I think that's what I get from hearing people talk about why they do it.

As for the scars. I know society can be cruel and insensitive... but I know for me, I wouldn't care. I mean, if I knew you I would care... and if I knew you well I would want to ask about your scars to let you know it's okay to talk about them if you want. I wouldn't want you to think I only say your scars, but I wouldn't want you to think your scars make me want to look away. However they got there, they are a part of you, a part of your story. I would care about that if you were someone I knew.