NSFW From suicidal thoughts to sexual thoughts within minutes - does anyone else experience this sometimes?

[Ghostlights]

I'm a bit embarrassed to share this, but nobody here knows me in real life so f... it. Sometimes when I'm lost again in those dark thoughts I feel the urge to masturbate just a few minutes later. I think it's very weird since those feelings don't really have much in common for me. Often I prevent myself from getting the relief I want, especially during the day, because I can't do it in peace, but sometimes also at night even when everyone in the house is asleep. Usually, I'm too tired and it feels like too much effort to do it, so most of the times I just end up watching porn to at least "get off in my mind". But when I'm not trying to hold back the urge (or simply fail to) I feel bad after letting myself experience pleasure (don't know why, I'm not religious). Somehow, there are different phases to this. I could be in the same bad place (mentally) and for a couple of weeks I don't feel like masturbating or even thinking about it, but then again, I suddenly think about it every day. I find it weird how my brain works... maybe it's supposed to be a distraction?

Does anyone else experience something similar?

 

[auti]

Yes omg this happens to me all the time

 

[Awesomefoid67]

sometimes, idk my emotions switch every hour sometimes. alot of the time im considering suicide then an hour later i'm on top of the world and sometimes like feel kinda horny after idfk it varies. it could be like you just used it as a coping mechanism once so its like you' e kinda conditioned yourself to feel that way after

 

[Ghostlights]

Yes omg this happens to me all the time

Glad I'm not the only one

 

[LonelyPrince]

I believe the mind tries to get a quick dopamine hit to compensate, so it leads you to that. I believe it's fairly common.

 

[squiddedoutt]

I believe the mind tries to get a quick dopamine hit to compensate, so it leads you to that. I believe it's fairly common.

When im feeling very depressed i'll go for the dopamine hit. When I do it for that it doesn't even really feel sexual in nature anymore... just me desperately trying to feel slightly better for those few moments

I also get periods where i just forget about it from being depressed

 

[LonelyPrince]

When im feeling very depressed i'll go for the dopamine hit. When I do it for that it doesn't even really feel sexual in nature anymore... just me desperately trying to feel slightly better for those few moments

I also get periods where i just forget about it from being depressed

Yeah, it's not sexual in that moment, it's a soothing mechanism.

 

[sashaisalone]

I'm a bit embarrassed to share this, but nobody here knows me in real life so f... it. Sometimes when I'm lost again in those dark thoughts I feel the urge to masturbate just a few minutes later. I think it's very weird since those feelings don't really have much in common for me. Often I prevent myself from getting the relief I want, especially during the day, because I can't do it in peace, but sometimes also at night even when everyone in the house is asleep. Usually, I'm too tired and it feels like too much effort to do it, so most of the times I just end up watching porn to at least "get off in my mind". But when I'm not trying to hold back the urge (or simply fail to) I feel bad after letting myself experience pleasure (don't know why, I'm not religious). Somehow, there are different phases to this. I could be in the same bad place (mentally) and for a couple of weeks I don't feel like masturbating or even thinking about it, but then again, I suddenly think about it every day. I find it weird how my brain works... maybe it's supposed to be a distraction?

Does anyone else experience something similar?

Yes. The interaction between your body, your emotions, and your stress levels, it's all very interconnected. I remember the day after the breakup with me ex, I showered in the morning, put on lingerie and perfume and was like "I wanna goon all day" but then I found myself not feeling the mood after a short period of time and just playing video games instead. I've also noticed that if I go for over a week without maintenance and even if I never find myself getting in the mood to touch or vibe myself, it does get me more moody and uptight. Then after I finally get around to it, the moment I cum almost always it feels like "Omg. I had no idea how badly I needed that." it's every bit as much of an emotional release as it is just maintaining my plumbing and getting a dopamine hit. I find getting off and crying often have a very similar emotional effect of "I'm holding something in and... I just let it out. Ahh."

I'm guessing you're a boy(?), but your profile is invisible to me. I will say however, testosterone dominant vs estrogen dominant sexuality works differently even though there's overlap. Tell me, is it more like an emotional release for you, an escape/dopamine seeking/distracting behavior, or is it more like "idk, my genitals just have a mind of their own, and they're telling me they need attention for some reason even though I have more pressing matters emotionally"?

 

[Ghostlights]

Tell me, is it more like an emotional release for you, an escape/dopamine seeking/distracting behavior, or is it more like "idk, my genitals just have a mind of their own, and they're telling me they need attention for some reason even though I have more pressing matters emotionally"?

Well, I'm not really sure, but I guess my brain is trying to find something that makes me feel better. During the time I was still self harming, I never really felt the desire to masturbate. Now, after about a year and half without self harm, it is different. I find some release in crying, but it usually makes me feel so much worse and I'm just ashamed even though I only cry when nobody is watching.
However, I believe it's not only some sort of coping mechanism, but also those normal feelings every 19-year-old has. Maybe fantasizing about doing it with another person is also some way of dealing with loneliness... I don't know.
Sometimes, it could also only be music that gets me in the mood. It just feels like the right thing to do to a Meat Loaf song like "Paradise by the Dashboard Light". Is that weird? Probably, idc...
I think it could be a mix of what you've mentioned.