For people who attempted ctb outside - how did you feel?

[moonlightbeach]

For this post let's say an attempt is a deliberate action to ctb, like you went out of your way to go do it. I'm thinking forest, bridge, cliff, building, road, train tracks, anything else that comes up in mind. This is for people that attempted and failed, or their SI got in their way, or they made a different decision but anyone else is also welcome to share their observations.

What WAS it like being there, what did you feel in the moment?

In my case it was a failed attempt. I chose train as my method, researched everything about it, 6 months later went on to do it. Had to walk 30 minutes to the level crossing. Everything about the walk was incredible - world seemed dreamy, lights were were soothing, everything was so peaceful. Right before I would run to the level crossing I put my up note, started running, dropped the personal belongings and jumped, quick and easy, to my surprise I didn't feel anxious or nervous at all. I would say it was the happiest I ever felt, besides gender euphoria. Same happened on my scouting for a spot later when i figured that the spot would be so quick and easy and there was no SI or anything. I'm sure there's lots of factors to this.

 

[Crow_88]

I tried to hang myself outside. I was in a field and had the rope hanging off a tree.