Venting for fucks sakes im tired... im going home

[lazyegg]

it sucks that this is the only way out for me after researching a lot. with the amount of knowledge on ways to catch the bus and yet i lack the resources. i hate being here and been anguishly begging death to come my way. its been tormenting me. looking back my life has been a meaningless rat chase. i never had genuine happiness. just a constant state of fear. for nothing. my only way out so far is swimming out a body of water after sedating myself, far enough that i cant swim back ashore. i dont care if its going to hurt. being here is painful enough. i tried therapy and everything already... i hate being hopeful as its synonymous to wishful thinking. hopefulness makes me delusional that things will get better when they often fail to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of existing here, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in an existence you hate, I see it as being so cruel how it isn't more straightforward to finally escape from all the suffering. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.