darkeyedjunco
New Member
- Aug 11, 2023
- 1
My mom died recently. She had been battling cancer for years, I knew it was coming. I also knew with her end, my own life would likely follow her.
Suicidal ideation is something I've dealt with since childhood. My mom kept me alive. Her unconditional love made me feel safe in myself. And even at my lowest times, I could never put her through the grief of losing a child.
Now I'm in this new place. There are no barriers to me leaving. There is nothing left for me here. I don't see a future for myself where I will ever be happy or able to love. All the realities of my world, of being friendless, a freeloader, untalented, and stupid, have come to the forefront. There is nothing for me to give.
I'm going to buy fentanyl soon. Maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight. I know where to go out on the streets, but I'm afraid of getting caught. Wish me the best of luck.
Dark-Eyed Junco
Suicidal ideation is something I've dealt with since childhood. My mom kept me alive. Her unconditional love made me feel safe in myself. And even at my lowest times, I could never put her through the grief of losing a child.
Now I'm in this new place. There are no barriers to me leaving. There is nothing left for me here. I don't see a future for myself where I will ever be happy or able to love. All the realities of my world, of being friendless, a freeloader, untalented, and stupid, have come to the forefront. There is nothing for me to give.
I'm going to buy fentanyl soon. Maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight. I know where to go out on the streets, but I'm afraid of getting caught. Wish me the best of luck.
Dark-Eyed Junco
