Soc
Member
- Dec 9, 2023
- 72
Hi Everyone
So I'm here after having some great times in my life. I've decided though I don't want to live anymore. 4 years ago, I had a beautiful wife and daughter who left me because I became addicted to Nitrous Oxide. Good party drug (and very easy to get if you want to go out that way) but it led to me being sent back to my home country and having to start again. The marriage fell apart as I was overseas and my now, ex wife actively looked for a new life. She still lets me occasionally chat to her but has found a 'new father' for her daughter and a new family. I very much am a background character and get occasional video chats. Travelling there is hard and breaks my heart seeing that what was my life has moved on without me.
I'd managed to come to terms with all this and get work but my own social life took a turn for the worse. I fell out with a large community online and offline and was banned. I won't go into the details in case someone belongs to the community but it has hit me hard. I'm also now living with my parents again waiting for an apartment purchase to come through. I just feel I am getting knocked back permanently and feel isolated from most people. I don't want to try again with different groups and repeat the same cycle. I had some good times and now I want to find a way to end it. Some people will be sad but I feel those around be have others to support them. Nobody relies on me and there are other things that I feel will make my life significantly worse in the future.
So yeh this is me. Sitting in my parent's spare bedroom thinking a lot about the best way to CTB. It's my birthday today and that didn't stop me strongly thinking about the best way out. I'm not going to do it in my parent's home if I can avoid it and have many months to plan it but I don't want to be alive for my next birthday.
So I'm here after having some great times in my life. I've decided though I don't want to live anymore. 4 years ago, I had a beautiful wife and daughter who left me because I became addicted to Nitrous Oxide. Good party drug (and very easy to get if you want to go out that way) but it led to me being sent back to my home country and having to start again. The marriage fell apart as I was overseas and my now, ex wife actively looked for a new life. She still lets me occasionally chat to her but has found a 'new father' for her daughter and a new family. I very much am a background character and get occasional video chats. Travelling there is hard and breaks my heart seeing that what was my life has moved on without me.
I'd managed to come to terms with all this and get work but my own social life took a turn for the worse. I fell out with a large community online and offline and was banned. I won't go into the details in case someone belongs to the community but it has hit me hard. I'm also now living with my parents again waiting for an apartment purchase to come through. I just feel I am getting knocked back permanently and feel isolated from most people. I don't want to try again with different groups and repeat the same cycle. I had some good times and now I want to find a way to end it. Some people will be sad but I feel those around be have others to support them. Nobody relies on me and there are other things that I feel will make my life significantly worse in the future.
So yeh this is me. Sitting in my parent's spare bedroom thinking a lot about the best way to CTB. It's my birthday today and that didn't stop me strongly thinking about the best way out. I'm not going to do it in my parent's home if I can avoid it and have many months to plan it but I don't want to be alive for my next birthday.
