My greatest fear is financial insolvency.
Literally, I have only $2500 to my name at this point in time and I have a couple of bills coming up in the next week or so that will drain that bank account. I've started driving for Uber but that only pays about $60 to $100 a day and not near enough for me to live on. I'm not homeless yet, but I feel it looming in the near distance.
Then I realized at one point today that I hadn't taken a deep breath in a few hours. I was short of breath and had a feeling of tightness growing in my chest and an emptiness or a hunger building up inside me. I think that is called anxiety, not really sure. I feel my world starting to collapse around me and I think...
Is it worth continuing to fight the good fight to stay alive? I jokingly say that life is over rated. How much easier would it be to just end it all. I absolutely have the means, I have the Meto., I have THREE bottles of Pentobarbital that I can take at any time I choose. I do believe that "Catching the bus" is one of the bravest things a human being can do for themself. I do not wish for my catching the bus to be an act of desperation. Of course I have been taking anti-depressant medication for 20+ years and this, I think is what has kept me from following through with the bus ride thus far. I have a couple of close friends with whom I have spoken about this and they are supportive of me... whatever choice I make.
The BIG question is, do I wait it out and see what happens over the next couple of weeks, maybe a miracle will happen? It has happened to me before. Back in January 2026, I drove to the town where I would like to end it all, a nice little seaside town on the coast of California. I checked into a motel. I took the first dosage of the Meto. and I was about to take the second dose of the Meto. when I got a phone call from the employer who I had just left and he asked to have a meeting with me to discuss giving me a severance package, TOTALLY out of the blue!!! Something I was not even expecting. I negotiated the severance package, but now I am down to the last $2500 and thinking about ending it all once again.
Do I throw in the towel and catch the bus or do I wait? What criteria do I establish for myself that says, if THIS happens, then I KNOW that it is time for me to catch the bus and leave this planet.
Thoughts from the crowd?
Literally, I have only $2500 to my name at this point in time and I have a couple of bills coming up in the next week or so that will drain that bank account. I've started driving for Uber but that only pays about $60 to $100 a day and not near enough for me to live on. I'm not homeless yet, but I feel it looming in the near distance.
Then I realized at one point today that I hadn't taken a deep breath in a few hours. I was short of breath and had a feeling of tightness growing in my chest and an emptiness or a hunger building up inside me. I think that is called anxiety, not really sure. I feel my world starting to collapse around me and I think...
Is it worth continuing to fight the good fight to stay alive? I jokingly say that life is over rated. How much easier would it be to just end it all. I absolutely have the means, I have the Meto., I have THREE bottles of Pentobarbital that I can take at any time I choose. I do believe that "Catching the bus" is one of the bravest things a human being can do for themself. I do not wish for my catching the bus to be an act of desperation. Of course I have been taking anti-depressant medication for 20+ years and this, I think is what has kept me from following through with the bus ride thus far. I have a couple of close friends with whom I have spoken about this and they are supportive of me... whatever choice I make.
The BIG question is, do I wait it out and see what happens over the next couple of weeks, maybe a miracle will happen? It has happened to me before. Back in January 2026, I drove to the town where I would like to end it all, a nice little seaside town on the coast of California. I checked into a motel. I took the first dosage of the Meto. and I was about to take the second dose of the Meto. when I got a phone call from the employer who I had just left and he asked to have a meeting with me to discuss giving me a severance package, TOTALLY out of the blue!!! Something I was not even expecting. I negotiated the severance package, but now I am down to the last $2500 and thinking about ending it all once again.
Do I throw in the towel and catch the bus or do I wait? What criteria do I establish for myself that says, if THIS happens, then I KNOW that it is time for me to catch the bus and leave this planet.
Thoughts from the crowd?
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