Finally decided when and how to CTB

[nootthenoot]

I did it. The plan has been mostly finalized. I'm going to be free. I know when and how I'm going do it. It will be shallow water blackout. I'll do it in a way where I wouldn't be disturbed by any one driving near by who want's to 'save' me. I wish I have access to more solid methods (like SN, N, Cyanide, etc..), but I'm too financially constrained so I won't be able to afford it with my current budget. But even then I feel more confident that I will ctb with shallow water blackout. Either I drown consciously or unconsciously, depending on how effective it is. I'm going to ctb either way. I'm not willing to keep trying, cause n matter what I do, my therapist won't listen to me, and the psych system will not take me seriously. Being here convinced me that suicide is not selfish at all, and that I have the right to end my life when I choose too. Right now, I'm not willing to move on and try to recover from this. I'm going to do it. I will try to live my life as normally as possible as to not arouse suspicion, but I know I will not live to see the new year. I'm finally going to be free.

 

[Dead Meat]

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do you Beautiful Soul

 

[FuneralCry]

Shallow water blackout is a method that I've been thinking about recently. It so doesn't sound ideal, in fact the thought of drowning sounds awful but the benefit is that method is easily accessible. But N really would be ideal, it's unfair how it's this difficult to exit peacefully, but I wish you freedom from your suffering when the time is right for you to leave.