Final days

[Rainork]

Today's hopefully my final Friday- there's a part of me that wants to go out but I just don't care anymore so gonna have a few drinks at home.
I've completed most of my goodbyes (one more tomorrow, and one friends who's unfortunately ill but I did get to see him last week) I just have one more tomorrow.

There's a part of me that wants to do something 'more' over this weekend as I almost feel like I should, but I really am just ready to ctb now and waiting for the weekend to finish so I can carry out my plans.

As the date's been getting closer; I've been finding it harder and harder to not share with those close to me, like a burden that's growing heavier with each passing hour.
I think that natural lightness that's been surrounding me this last couple of weeks has made it a lot easier for me to hide the truth and a lot more believable for those close to me. I have almost felt bad to see their relief as they relax seeing me feel better but it is nice to know they'll have this version of me to remember once I'm gone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in plans.

 

[Rainork]

Today is my final goodbyes (other than my other half who I live with and my therapist).
I'm on the wine again, carrying on as I plan to end haha, and feeling that tipsy happiness right now.
There's a part of me that feels sudden flutters of guilt when I look at those around me and know the grief they will feel soon but I made the decision to put myself first and try to stay grounded in that decision.

I don't feel scared or any type of fear, I almost feel excitement(?) but I'm not even sure that's the right word.. I suppose it really is just a calmness that has washed over me.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I'm glad you're feeling at peace. I'll be sad to see you go but I wish you nothing other than calm and love <3

 

[Zanmato]

I don't feel scared or any type of fear, I almost feel excitement(?) but I'm not even sure that's the right word.. I suppose it really is just a calmness that has washed over me.

Wow, I envy your courage.
Whener I think about death I feel "anxious" (?), or so.
I'm sorry that life pushed you to the limit, until this choice to put an end of it.

 

[socksnsandles]

wish you well

 

[Rainork]

I'm glad you're feeling at peace. I'll be sad to see you go but I wish you nothing other than calm and love <3

Thank you lovely

Wow, I envy your courage.
Whener I think about death I feel "anxious" (?), or so.
I'm sorry that life pushed you to the limit, until this choice to put an end of it.

I wish I was courageous, although I am feeling very calm surrounding my decision, I also know that when my date comes my biggest battle will be overcoming my SI.
All previous attempts of mine have failed due to fear, i hope this time I will finally win that battle.
Thank you

 

[Rainork]

On my way to do some shopping- going to make sure the freezer is fully stocked with easy meals for my other half.
Decided tonight I'm going to get high (as I can't tomorrow as I know I won't ctb if I've smoked) will probably have a dance and wander around a nice wooded area near to me.
I don't know why but I do feel quite sick today- either nerves or withdrawal from saving up my meds. I'm honestly not sure but hopefully it'll subside soon