Timelapse
Well, time can heal, but this won't.
- Nov 3, 2023
- 101
You know
This is what i was trying to avoid
This
Me
Who i am
Unforgivable
I knew i was mad and simple
Lazy
Vile
I tried to get away
But i was held back
I was called a coward
I was called selfish
What I needed most was to be acknowledged
But knowing me.. knowing my thought process
I'm not up to the task
Being a human
Its hard
Yet for so many
They go on
They put on a smile
And they salute life
I feel like I'm on the outside looking in
Like I'm missing the big picture
Like everything I believe is erroneous
My value as a person
My self worth
I can feel the disapproval
The smirks
The jokes
Being humiliated constantly
I cant even use my escapes anymore
I feel stuck
I feel like I'm in a prison
But I have a thing
One thing that brings me joy
But it also comes with an insurmountable feeling of sorrow
A prism I shine a light on
Makes me feel like life is worth the pain
The reason I'm still here today
The reason i cant exit right now
Even if Im imploring a manifestation to strike upon me
That prism brings me back to my senses
She doesn't have to do much
She listens
She feels
And when I shine my light on her
I can see life in a rainbow of colors
But soon enough she disappears
She goes back to whence she came
Darkness follows
Heavy thoughts of despair
I'm on my own too many times for far too long
But i want this no?
To be alone
Because they are insufferable
But do i want to be lonely?
How to be alone but not lonely
To love oneself
Impossible
I loathe my existence
Ive given up on commodities
Filthy
I drag my steps
Looking for scraps to amuse me
Left to my thoughts
I feel small and insignificant
Why me?
I don't ask to be a celebrity
I just want the American dream
The white picket fence
The dog
The wife and kids
The lies
To swallow the blue pill
To be at ease and calm
And to pretend to be what I was shown all my life
But will that be enough
Will that even work?
I feel like i want to exit because Im set
I'm set in my ways
I'm stubborn
Yet very submissive
I'm doubt incarnated
Uncertainty is a downfall
To be unsure of your every move
Why make decisions
When you enjoy nothing
Life is filled with wonder
Yet everything eludes me
The sense of joy feels fake
My laughter is forced
I'm literally full of shit
I don't take care of myself
So its understandable why I'm lonely
But why am i still here?
Why do i roam left and right having a semblance of a life
Why cant i just get up and end it
Is it truly my incompetent mind that stops me dead in my tracks
Or hope?
That prism has been around the longest in my thoughts more than any other objects in this universe
Is that it? Hope?
I feel hopeless.
This is what i was trying to avoid
This
Me
Who i am
Unforgivable
I knew i was mad and simple
Lazy
Vile
I tried to get away
But i was held back
I was called a coward
I was called selfish
What I needed most was to be acknowledged
But knowing me.. knowing my thought process
I'm not up to the task
Being a human
Its hard
Yet for so many
They go on
They put on a smile
And they salute life
I feel like I'm on the outside looking in
Like I'm missing the big picture
Like everything I believe is erroneous
My value as a person
My self worth
I can feel the disapproval
The smirks
The jokes
Being humiliated constantly
I cant even use my escapes anymore
I feel stuck
I feel like I'm in a prison
But I have a thing
One thing that brings me joy
But it also comes with an insurmountable feeling of sorrow
A prism I shine a light on
Makes me feel like life is worth the pain
The reason I'm still here today
The reason i cant exit right now
Even if Im imploring a manifestation to strike upon me
That prism brings me back to my senses
She doesn't have to do much
She listens
She feels
And when I shine my light on her
I can see life in a rainbow of colors
But soon enough she disappears
She goes back to whence she came
Darkness follows
Heavy thoughts of despair
I'm on my own too many times for far too long
But i want this no?
To be alone
Because they are insufferable
But do i want to be lonely?
How to be alone but not lonely
To love oneself
Impossible
I loathe my existence
Ive given up on commodities
Filthy
I drag my steps
Looking for scraps to amuse me
Left to my thoughts
I feel small and insignificant
Why me?
I don't ask to be a celebrity
I just want the American dream
The white picket fence
The dog
The wife and kids
The lies
To swallow the blue pill
To be at ease and calm
And to pretend to be what I was shown all my life
But will that be enough
Will that even work?
I feel like i want to exit because Im set
I'm set in my ways
I'm stubborn
Yet very submissive
I'm doubt incarnated
Uncertainty is a downfall
To be unsure of your every move
Why make decisions
When you enjoy nothing
Life is filled with wonder
Yet everything eludes me
The sense of joy feels fake
My laughter is forced
I'm literally full of shit
I don't take care of myself
So its understandable why I'm lonely
But why am i still here?
Why do i roam left and right having a semblance of a life
Why cant i just get up and end it
Is it truly my incompetent mind that stops me dead in my tracks
Or hope?
That prism has been around the longest in my thoughts more than any other objects in this universe
Is that it? Hope?
I feel hopeless.
