Venting Feelings suck

[Spyro24]

My best friend with BPD has blocked me once again for no reason at all and I'm heartbroken. People keep telling me she's toxic and I need to let her go but that's not how feelings work... I wish I didn't have feelings for her... I wish this person wasn't my entire world.

She is the reason I'm alive today but that doesn't excuse shit. Just because I have feelings I let her walk all over me and treat me like actual horse shit. The song I hate u, I love u comes to mind. I love her like I've never loved anyone else before but I hate her for putting me through this again. She might come back... but I have to live in pure agony until that happens.

I've done everything for her... I would die for her just because she means so much to me. I just don't get it... no one takes me seriously anymore because I let the same shit happen every single time. Maybe I am just stupid. I look for ways to blame myself for what happened and I don't even know why it happened in the first place. Thanks to her I can't go outside anymore because I'm afraid other people will do the same to me... I'm just scared to death of other people.

I still have her number... she has left me on read of course. I wish there was something I could say to get her back... there you go... another annoying vent post from me because I keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

 

[Mofreeko]

BPD sucks. It's really hard to treat and makes it so an offhand comment made in a slightly wrong tone can send them spiraling emotionally out of control. They can go from worshipping you to completely cutting you off and blocking you on everything at the drop of a hat. Then when they calm down they're embarrassed about how they acted on impulse and threw away another friendship. Don't be too hard on yourself, BPD sucks for everyone involved.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry. It's not our 'fault' for who we like and while it has its downside, I can't imagine not having strong emotions towards people. I wouldn't want to be a cold zombie.

Of course, it makes it all the more painful when things like this happen though. I don't know what to say really because you probably know the likely answers- 'It's not you- it's them. It's likely to be a turbulent relationship with this person due to their condition- so it's really going to be up to you whether you think it worth weathering these storms (if and when they come back) or whether it would be safer to try to distance yourself from them. I really hope things work out for you- whatever happens.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really painful and hard to deal with, there does seem to be no real relief from suffering in a life like this. I'm sorry that you are trapped in this situation.

 

[akirat9]

Kōiu tanin e no shūchaku ga rikai dekinai...