Venting Feelings of Hopelessness and the Hell of Growing Up in a Cult.

[Memento]

It's hard not to keep feelings this way—that your worth amounts to the life someone shaped for you. The one you didn't have a choice to live in—having beliefs shoved down your throat that you're expected to live by your entire life. I simply live for the values I was raised in—not of my own.

I can't help but feel hopeless: That no matter what you do to get of this situation it will make it better. That is what it means to live in a cult, to be a Jehovah's Witness: Isolation from the world, suppression of free thought, and a lack of real relationships outside of the defined boundaries set for you. You are trapped, you are alone, you are hurting, you are suffering, and the people around you don't give a fuck about it. Why is it okay for the people who raised you to shun you just because your don't have the same beliefs—to shut you out of their life and give you no support—to leave you with nothing without a second thought. Why can't you love me for who I am when I love you for who you are?

I sometimes wish I would go to sleep one night and never wake up. Because that would give me more peace and freedom then living like this.

 

[SilentSadness]

That must be a terrible situation, it happens all too often for the people who cruelly dragged others into this world to neglect and abandon them. There could never be a justification for what has happened to you and you definitely don't deserve to have to exist in secret. We all deserve our right to a peaceful death to be acknowledged, but we also deserve not to be abandoned by others. I hope you find the freedom you're owed.

 

[LittleJem]

This didn't happen to me but I know a few people this happened to - an acquaintance who was also shunned by Jehovah's Witnesses and my ex who was excommunicated by Scientology and his own father (but his mother had also been excommunicated so at least he had one parent). I know a little one person who left ultra-Orthodox Judaism and was excluded by his family. By the way you describe it, I see more how painful it is and just want to say I'm sorry this happened to you.

You might probably have seen them already, but in case not there are some resources these are UK but if you are in USA they probably have similar resources. They are saying there is a unique trauma in leaving a cult so it is soecialised support and understanding that is required. One of these websites has an online zoom group. Hopefully it's free…

I guess there are so many reasons why parents/families are rejecting or abusive, but this cult 'shunning' is a particular nasty one and being brought up in the cult has it's own isolating influence.

https://www.thefamilysurvivaltrust.org/activities

exJW Support

UK peer support network

www.exjwsupport.co.uk

COUNSELLING SERVICE | Ex Jehovah's Witness Counselling

A Counsellor who understands what life can be like for ex Jehovah's Witnesses. Counselling to help deal with shunning from Jehovah's Witnesses. Depression, guilt, identity issues and anger are also potential problems that may be helped by Counselling for ex Jehovah's Witnesses.

www.exjwcounselling.co.uk

Life after Jehovah's Witnesses: website offers help to followers who

It was only when Rachel Underhill was lying in a hospital bed, haemorrhaging, that she first realised the way of the Watchtower might not be for her.

www.independent.co.uk

Dare to Doubt | Questioning and Leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses

Questioning or leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses? Get practical help and emotional support from others who understand what you're going through.

www.daretodoubt.org

 

[kitch]

Have you checked out r/exjw on reddit ?

Also r/religioustrauma

( I was born in and left in '81 ... It is a traumatic experience ... there is more
awareness these days , but it doesn't reduce the hell of it all. )

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a horrible situation to be trapped in, life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel and it's really awful how we exist in a world where people suffer all through no fault of their own. It's very much understandable just wishing to never wake again but anyway I wish you the best.