Hello everyone!
Two years ago I was so close to end it all. I was trapped in the world of super-competitive sport that made me feel like shit all the time. For almost whole my life i had a feeling of never being good enough. My dad's love for me always dependend on my sport results. The only thing I ever knew was stress and fear since youngest years. This lead to a point where I was so close to ending this all through SN. The only thing that kept me alive was the thought of pain I'd give my mum if i end up with myself. Somehow I manage to get out of this shitty place and recently I totally gave up with the sport that cause me all this pain and lead to a point of almost killing myself. I've never been happier before. All the worries, all the pain of not being good enough was gone and it was the best two months of my life. But now I feel my demons are hunting for me. The uni I go to force me to go for another competition. I come up with some fake injury so that I won't have to go, but they still force me to go there and perform. I feel like no matter how hard i'm trying to run away from this fucking sport that almost destroyed my life, it will always find me. All the bad feelings, bad emotions are back again. I don't want to go there and don't know what to do. The though of having to perform once again is killing me inside. I know that it might sounds funny from non-sport pov. I feel like I'm forever trapped.
Two years ago I was so close to end it all. I was trapped in the world of super-competitive sport that made me feel like shit all the time. For almost whole my life i had a feeling of never being good enough. My dad's love for me always dependend on my sport results. The only thing I ever knew was stress and fear since youngest years. This lead to a point where I was so close to ending this all through SN. The only thing that kept me alive was the thought of pain I'd give my mum if i end up with myself. Somehow I manage to get out of this shitty place and recently I totally gave up with the sport that cause me all this pain and lead to a point of almost killing myself. I've never been happier before. All the worries, all the pain of not being good enough was gone and it was the best two months of my life. But now I feel my demons are hunting for me. The uni I go to force me to go for another competition. I come up with some fake injury so that I won't have to go, but they still force me to go there and perform. I feel like no matter how hard i'm trying to run away from this fucking sport that almost destroyed my life, it will always find me. All the bad feelings, bad emotions are back again. I don't want to go there and don't know what to do. The though of having to perform once again is killing me inside. I know that it might sounds funny from non-sport pov. I feel like I'm forever trapped.
