Feeling surreal

[paperwork]

I feel nervous, giddy, worried, and completely apathetic all at once. I have an opportunity, I just can't decide if i can take it yet. Does anyone ever feel extremely ready, then not at all, then curious, then scared? I've always held such an apathetic view on my own death. Why is it so important to me now, while also something i could easily throw away? The dichotomy is staggering.