Venting Feeling guilty

[LateForTheBus]

I had a good phone conversation with my mom earlier. The entire time, I was thinking, "You have no idea I'll be ending it soon." My parents know all about my depression. They know about the countless medications I've tried, the therapy I've done, the hospitalizations I've voluntarily put myself through. They were there years ago as I was recovering from a failed attempt. They are elderly. So, in the grand scheme of things, I know they won't have to live without me long. But I'm still feeling guilty tonight. I hate that I'm going to cause my family pain. But I can't live for them. I'm not "living" as it is. I'm barely existing. I've held on as long as I can, and it's time to go.

Just needed to get that off my chest, and this is the only place I can do that. Thanks for reading. Love to you all.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think the guilt you feel is pretty normal. I'm sure you know that. I guess for CTB to happen it comes down to when the pain of living overpowers the guilt one may feel for hurting others by their CTB. I agree that it does no one any good for you to live for others............not them and certainly not you. Good luck in your decisions moving forward and I hope you can get to your peace however you need to.

 

[LateForTheBus]

I think the guilt you feel is pretty normal. I'm sure you know that. I guess for CTB to happen it comes down to when the pain of living overpowers the guilt one may feel for hurting others by their CTB. I agree that it does no one any good for you to live for others............not them and certainly not you. Good luck in your decisions moving forward and I hope you can get to your peace however you need to.

Thank you so much. Your kind words and realistic perception of my situation are both very helpful. I will be CTB'ing soon. I'm just working on final preparations.

 

[user39]

I had a good phone conversation with my mom earlier. The entire time, I was thinking, "You have no idea I'll be ending it soon." My parents know all about my depression. They know about the countless medications I've tried, the therapy I've done, the hospitalizations I've voluntarily put myself through. They were there years ago as I was recovering from a failed attempt. They are elderly. So, in the grand scheme of things, I know they won't have to live without me long. But I'm still feeling guilty tonight. I hate that I'm going to cause my family pain. But I can't live for them. I'm not "living" as it is. I'm barely existing. I've held on as long as I can, and it's time to go.

Just needed to get that off my chest, and this is the only place I can do that. Thanks for reading. Love to you all.

i'm in the exact same situation. tonight it ends. may you find peace

 

[LateForTheBus]

i'm in the exact same situation. tonight it ends. may you find peace

I will be about a week behind you. Wishing you a swift and peaceful journey. (Hugs)

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact is that grief and loss are just simply an inevitable part of life, we all have to die and lose everything someday so I don't think that people should feel guilty for wishing to take control over their inevitable fate, it's something in which they have every right to do. I wish you the best and I hope that you find peace from all the suffering.

 

[LateForTheBus]

The fact is that grief and loss are just simply an inevitable part of life, we all have to die and lose everything someday so I don't think that people should feel guilty for wishing to take control over their inevitable fate, it's something in which they have every right to do. I wish you the best and I hope that you find peace from all the suffering.

Thank you!

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[LateForTheBus]

What's your method?

SN. I've got it, meto, ondanestron, and lorazepam ready. Just settling final affairs to make things as logistically easy on my family as possible,