Feeling Better Because I Have an Exit Strategy — Does Anyone Else Relate?

[luke1978qqq]

Why do I want to die? I'm a psychiatric patient over 40, I'm bipolar and have a severe personality disorder. I'm getting older and I don't have the energy to manage all this anymore. I don't know how long I can keep going, but I suppose not much longer. I've already chosen my method, the exit bag with nitrogen gas. I've never attempted suicide before, but I intend to do things properly. To be able to die, I had to sort out some things in my life, to be fair and not leave problems for the people I care about. Frankly, I don't know why I bother, why all this scruple – maybe I just have a guilty conscience or I feel guilty. Since I settled the last few things, I know that within two months I can die and I'm happy. Life has stopped weighing on me like a boulder and it's almost bearable, so I think: "Come on, it's not that bad…" but then I realize that the only reason my life is bearable is the fact that I know it will soon end, and it will end on my own terms – to be able to decide at least that. Does anyone else feel better knowing they have an exit strategy, a planned end date? And how does that affect the plan itself to end one's life?

 

[Bishop]

I just want the pain to stop. Im happily not wanting to die. I will do what's needed to make the pain end, meds, etc. But I chose to go on.