Farewell, SS. (SN Method)

[NextSummer]

I hope you are feeling not too sad and think about parts of your life where you have been happy. Farewell mate

 

[sunny.sativa]

Hi, there. I don't have a proper response, nothing that will stop you or all of a sudden make you develop a desire to survive and endure the bullshit

Maybe I can be there for you in your last hours if you need someone to talk to. Anything, anything I can do to help, let me know. Even if it's a little prayer, I'd be glad to offer anything.

I wish you all the best. Much love.

 

[Karangel25]

I pray you find comfort and peace.

I'm ready to exit this world. I will consume 20 g of SN today (in less than 12 hours). I managed to sneak out from home last night. Right now, I'm staying at the inn in another city. I could barely sleep last night due to crushing guilt for leaving my family this way, even though they are the main reason why I ctb in the first place.

My time with SS was short. But, it was a memorable experience. SS gave me a temporary home where I felt belonged. For that, I am eternally grateful.

My journey on this planet is coming to an end. I failed to overcome the ordeal of living. The game of survival ended in bitter defeat. The fight has been lost. I concede.

After a long period of time contemplating the merit of existing, I came up with 5 concrete (and personal) reasons for exiting this world.

1. Seeing people that I don't want to see.
2. Interacting with people that I don't want to interact with.
3. Living in the place where I don't want to live in.
4. My inability to alter all of above 3 variables during 27 years of my existence.
5. My unwillingness to tolerate those 3 variables any further.

I cannot see the future. But, I can remember the past. I believe I had done everything I could. I had exhausted my entire options. I had endured long enough. I've decided not to linger inside these unsatisfactory circumstances for another year. Enough is enough. It's time for me to go Home.

No more tears can be shed. In the end, the journey has brought me to exhaustion. Flame of life in me is dying out. I'm not strong enough to face adversity. It's only natural for mother nature to "weed out" the weakling in any given population. I suppose this is my turn to perish.

Right now, I can only wish everyone to take care of yourself as best as you can. This world is not made for the faint of heart. But, I still have this tiny belief in my heart that life, even with all of its ugly facets, can still turn into a worthwhile experience.

I failed this incarnation. I'm willing to let go of all of these "baggages". I refuse to carry any burden and torment to the other side. I'm ready to move on. I pray that the "me" in the next incarnation is able to live a more fulfilling existence.

I shall bid farewell to everyone. I promise I will update if I don't succeed with this attempt. Please allow me to end this post with a farewell poetry. May this poem serve as a footnote in the epilogue of my story.

Sanctuary

I've grown weary, gazing distant galaxy
My flesh had crumbled, hope disintegrated
I yearn for paradise of long lost fantasy
No longer I linger to be obliterated

Weeping of lost happiness won't dispel sorrow
My bloodshed will wash away tainted history
These unshed tears shall prelude new tomorrow
A new dawn without deluge of painful memory

Wave of torment subsided, I can't wait to ditch
The cycle of damnation, which I must end
No longer I submit to eternal bondage
I shall sever this chain with my own hand

Clustering stars shall illuminate my path
My voyage to Home where I forsake misery
I ascend the starlight stairs, paid with my blood
Unlocking sanctuary where I weave new tapestry

P.S I feel so scared and alone right now. Please pray everything will goes well. I don't want to suffer any longer.

 

[Done182]

Said a prayer for you, hope you pass painlessly to the other side and find peace x

 

[Alec]

PLEASE remember that you are NOT alone!!!!! IM WITH YOU!!! Even if we are miles away from each other I'M WITH YOU!!! Try your hardest to tell yourself you are NOT alone!!! It's interesting, the reasons you wrote, they pretty much the same as mine. The most important one for me is that I can't live where I want to and I can't see a way of ever getting there and I don't think I can stand the suffering of being so far away from where I want to be!!! And the people, oh how I can't stand the people!!!! I'm 22, and if I'm completely frank I don't think I've exhausted all the ways to move to live my life where I want to so that's why I give this another year or as long as I can stand the pain(if I can't take it for another year well then so be it I'll leave this world earlier). I want to thank you, thank you for being brave. I don't think what you are doing is loosing a battle of survival, I think it's winning. We will all die in the end. But if we can't live the life that we have and have no other options then to fight and defeat it means to end it, that's you and us taking our power and strength to stop our suffering, to do something about our pain instead of enduring it until we get old and die anyway. There's no way in waiting to get old to die if our lives are misery, that would be rather stupidity than bravery. There are some many things I want to tell, I wish I was by your side right now but please know and remember that I AM by your side, no matter what!!! And your poem, it's so beautiful, there's so much pain in it and I can feel you bleed through it, but also I feel a breath of fresh air, like you are also feeling freedom while writing it, like you write about being free. And that's the most beautiful thing, i want to be free too. And the place I'm in I don't belong here, i want to go Home too. I hope you'll be home in another life, I hope you'll be forever free and you'll be happy. I love you beyond words!!! I'm sure we will meet again!!!!!

 

[suffering]

I empathized with many of your posts and although I don't know you, I feel like I am losing a friend. I'm sorry you consider yourself a loser in the game of life. We are all losers. Life is pain (at worst) and boredom (at best). The real losers are those who keep going, without even knowing why. You are taking the brave man's way and I envy you so much. I wish I could join you.
In case you make it, may you find peace.. If you don't, we'll be here for you.

 

[phoenixx]

Farewell buddy, I hope you find the peace you definitely deserve

 

[Dartz]

See you on the other side

 

[foxtail]

I just went through your posts, loved your poem. When I first encountered your post didn't realized you're already gone, I was very looking forward to talk to you. Then I noticed your account is closed and dug up this farewell post. Don't know what to say, I'm numbed because of the medication. Wished I known you earlier.