Venting Family suspecting I want to die literally a day before I planned to ctb

[FinalDestination]

Not sure how to process what's happened. I was ready to ctb today. I had prepped myself but out of no where my family found my ig which is just my art but sometimes I will overshare in the caption ( my fault really ) so I guess this time I caught the attention of my brother who alerted my family. They wanted to report me but I had to lie and say I'm not suicidal and don't plan on doing something. I had to say it was just for my art and it's not a big deal. Now I feel hesitant to do it as it might be too soon if everyone is on high alert and will possibly check on me. My biggest fear is not succeeding and being saved. Just so unsure now. I could wait til maybe Wednesday when things have calmed? It sucks because I was so ready to go now and delaying (again) feels like another failure among many but if I do it and it fails I won't have another shot. The timing of all this is so laughable I want to cry.

 

[lita-lassi]

well this sounds stressful and hard, im so sorry youre having to cope and decide like this op is there anyone in your family you could possibly trust enough to open up a small amount to without them immediately turning around and telling everyone else? idk what your circumstances are and im extra sorry if your family is a catalyst in your initial decisions. maybe if they or someone actually care in helpful ways, there are other paths to take about your ultimate choices. again, this sounds really distressing and hard and im sorry youre going through it

 

[FinalDestination]

well this sounds stressful and hard, im so sorry youre having to cope and decide like this op is there anyone in your family you could possibly trust enough to open up a small amount to without them immediately turning around and telling everyone else? idk what your circumstances are and im extra sorry if your family is a catalyst in your initial decisions. maybe if they or someone actually care in helpful ways, there are other paths to take about your ultimate choices. again, this sounds really distressing and hard and im sorry youre going through it

Thanks, I really appreciate that <3 I do want to say my family have nothing to do with my decision, they are wonderful people and I love them. This choice is really all on me if anything, my health issues is my catalyst. I just feel I've reached a dead end and at this point it's hopeless to reach out , I don't think I could even if I wanted to. I'm just so tired