False hope

[spinningship]

I keep tricking myself into being happy briefly until all my feelings come up like a tsunami of suicidality. I cant survive this much longer. I feel euphoric even sometimes but I know that's my brain setting me up for a fall.

The worst part is thinking back on times even just a few months ago where I was so hopeful for the future and I just know now there's nothing that can fix me or my broken fucking brain.

I hate falling for people it makes me feel so much worse about my autism. I wish autism stopped me from caring about others rather than allowing me to care but never being able to show it.

 

[Roseate]

I keep tricking myself into being happy briefly until all my feelings come up like a tsunami of suicidality. I cant survive this much longer. I feel euphoric even sometimes but I know that's my brain setting me up for a fall.

The worst part is thinking back on times even just a few months ago where I was so hopeful for the future and I just know now there's nothing that can fix me or my broken fucking brain.

I hate falling for people it makes me feel so much worse about my autism. I wish autism stopped me from caring about others rather than allowing me to care but never being able to show it.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It can be very tiring going through these phases repeatedly. I hope things turn around for you. Or you find peace and happiness.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's true that any kind of false hope just leads to more suffering once it's finally taken away. The reality is that there is simply nothing fair about existing in this cruel world.