Story Failed

[Retched]

So yesterday I was closer than I've ever been to ctb, since my failed attempt that ruined my life in August that is...I had my method with me, to ctb after work. The morning was a surreal blur. I imagined everything as over and my "last"...

When push came to shove...I could not do it. I reached out to some people here in the site, and it's darnright amazing How kind other suicidal people are.

I've been known to say "if I had a gun, there's no way I'd be alive!" Well I have one and here I am...

Everything is like a cartoon today. Idk why. A sad one. But things look different.

Sigh.

 

[TAW122]

I am assuming that there is a part of you that is preventing you from doing so. Could it be that sliver of hope known as the survival instinct? By no means am I trying to be pro-lifey or anything, but I am assuming that if there is something that is keeping you from doing so, then it must be the survival instinct if anything. I'm sorry that you are in limbo, wanting to ctb, yet something prevents you from doing so. Being in limbo is akin to anguish and torment.

 

[Retched]

I am assuming that there is a part of you that is preventing you from doing so. Could it be that sliver of hope known as the survival instinct? By no means am I trying to be pro-lifey or anything, but I am assuming that if there is something that is keeping you from doing so, then it must be the survival instinct if anything. I'm sorry that you are in limbo, wanting to ctb, yet something prevents you from doing so. Being in limbo is akin to anguish and torment.

Yes. Limbo is the worst. Yes, my SI took over or I wouldn't have reached out to anyone. But I did. There are a few big reasons that keep me here now. I got past those last August and kept thinking I could get past them again. Not working out for me.

I guess there will always be ctb. For now I'm living in limbo. Soul still crushed.