Failed suicide attempt

[suicidal.lady]

What do you do after a failed suicide attempt?
How do you deal with it?

 

[parader]

when no one knows about it besides me i just feel really shitty for a while, partly because i do it with barbiturates which are pretty shitty on their own
it takes a long time to get a large dose out of your body so i just take it one second at a time hoping the annoying effects will just end already
besides that, i don't have any helpful ways to deal with it to share i'm sorry :(
it's just "survive" for a while

 

[FacePALM]

Sorry for the long story, I wanted to give the full picture on what I did. I'll answer the question of how I dealt at the end in bold.

I attempted in February of 2021 I was 17 at the time. The build up of it is a bit of a long story, in a nutshell, my (old) therapist broke off my treatment because I wouldn't resume contact with my mom, six month prior to this. earned my diploma and needed to start at a new school which overwhelmed me a lot. Guy I was in love with and was kind of my life line stopped talking to me, my dog died, my mental health was just deteriorating because of all of it. So I decided fuck it and attempted. What pushed me over the edge was the third test week of the school year at my new school. I had such crippling fear of failure I thought I'd just kill myself so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I know that isn't really a good reason to die, it was just the last drop. I had stolen my stepmoms insulin (she didn't need it anymore, she used it for gestational diabetes, she stopped using it after my sister was born, when I attempted my sister had already turned 1) and injected myself it 1200 units of insulin.

While I waited to pass out my survival instinct got the best of me, about 40 minutes in I put on my shoes and wintercoat, walked to the end of my street and called an ambulance. I went to the end of my street so my dad wouldn't wake up. I was transported to the hospital and given glucose trough iv on my hands. That hurts a buttload so they put in a central line and transferred me to the ICU. My dad was called around 7:15 am, I attempted at around 2 am.

I couldn't really believe what I'd done in the end. My dad came to the hospital and was angry and mostly just really glad I was alive. I got out of the hospital a day later. No one trusted me, my dad took all the pills in the house and put it in a safe. So basically I couldn't take a paracetamol when he was at work. Actually he took me to work because he didn't trust me enough to stay home by myself. My stepmom was livid because I took her insulin, I mean fair enough. I found out maybe a couple of months ago during an argument that she wanted to yell at me and pick a fight with me right after my attempt but my dad didn't allow her to do that. I had a hard time dealing with trust issues, I didn't trust them and they didn't trust me. The guilt weight heavily on me too. I got trough it in a haze. I got put on sleeping pills and they actually worked so you know, I slept a shit ton, mostly because my body was healing and completely exhausted from what I did to it. I guess how I dealt with it was surviving not living. I didn't leave my house other then for walks, work with my dad, or grocery store also with dad. I only got trough because I didn't have a choice. I didn't have money so couldn't really try anything else.

About three weeks after my attempt I had an intake at a new treatment facility for my issues. I wasn't sure wether or not I wanted to be treated there and I told my dad as much when we got home and he said that I didn't have a choice, this was my best option, so I took it. It was the right decision, I have a good therapist now. Dont get me wrong, I am attempting again on Friday but she was still trying her hardest and I really appreciate her. This life is just not for me.

 

[CTB Fella]

What do you do after a failed suicide attempt?
How do you deal with it?

I just start planning for the next attempt.

 

[lumibee]

honestly? I just feel really down in the dumps after a while. But I just follow up watching a tv show right after and eating my comfort meal :). 'til next time, whenever that is

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't want to find out, that's a reason as to why I've never attempted a method like hanging, to me it sounds horrible ending up back in this world after trying to leave. I hate how we exist in this world that denies people access to more peaceful and reliable ways to finally be free, the thought of being gone certainly is ideal to me, it should be easier for us to get there.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

What do you do after a failed suicide attempt?
How do you deal with it?

I attempted in mid/late February of 2022, I had just gotten out of an sexually abusive relationship, & had been in the hospital with my nana (January) after she hurt herself real bad. My mom is a bitch & thus I dealt with most of it by myself, & was used as an emotional punching bag but that was normal. I had just gotten a job but had to wait to start due to being in the hospital with her, once we were home I basically was the main person who was taking care of her. I got yelled at a lot (normal behavior, I was just already really fucking drained & still thinking about what my ex had done to me). One night I had been texting a friend about how badly I had been feeling, I feel like he brushed a lot of it off- got really high (weed), snuck into the kitchen & grabbed extra strength Tylenol, took it all, realized after it wasn't a high enough dosage to be lethal, went back to the kitchen, grabbed the unopened container of 200mg Ibuprofen (one of those absolutely massive bottles) took all of it, the entire bottle. Was okay for about 20-30mins, listening to music, feeling peaceful about dying soon, but then some pretty awful pain started happening, I got really out of it, & I couldn't stop shaking. Went & woke my parents up, took me to the ER, I think I had a seizure or two while they were trying to find a vein for an IV, (hospital I was admitted is notoriously bad, malpractice out the ass).

Gonna skip some because details are blurry on what all happened in those 10hrs+
Once I was concerned "stable" (still hurting ngl, couldn't eat) I was taken to a police intercepter (blacked out SUV) & taken to a mental hospital about an hour & a half away from home, only a 3 miles from where my ex lived & directly across from where he was about to go back to school. You could see the building in the windows. Those days I was there were awful, I tried my best to make the people around me who were there feel better. It was Valentine's Day when I had tried to CTB, & most of the people there did as well. I just pretended to be okay until they released me. When my mom came to pick me up she brought my sister (15-just turned 16) with her, it made me furious ngl, she should not be there with her. My mom did her fake little pitty cry & made a big scene hugging me etc. The absolute moment we made it to her car, immediate guilt tripping, the entire car ride back, for over an hour- guilt tripping, yelling, making me answer her questions, belittling me, gaslighting me, denying things she had said to me, denying she knew I was suicidal(I had told I was when I was 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, etc) (I had just turned 19 in January). She just kept going & going & I wanted to just jump out of the car & get hit so fucking bad. If my sister wasn't there I think I would have actually tried. When we got home, my room had been raided. All my pens, pencil, markers, etc were hidden, all meds hidden, anything sharp hidden, my knife collection etc. I was checked on every 30mins-1hr for awhile. The meds they put me on were making me ill as well, they would force me to eat. Then after about a week of being back my mom told me I need to get over it & go back to work. (My dad had already contacted my store manager & told him what happened). When I got back to work & was sent to the office my store manager said I shouldn't even be there & that I should be home recovering still. I explained that that isn't an option for me unfortunately & that I will try my best with working (I was still very ill, very weak, & my mind was definitely not in a good condition to be working). I remember him tearing up & telling me about his brother who had successfully died via ctb, & I felt awful. I felt like by him knowing what I did I reopened his trauma. My coworkers didn't know for awhile, one had a feeling of what I did simply do to the marks on me (from being slid onto another bed while unconscious I assume in the ER).

I don't think I was ever really given time to recover truly, I just went straight back to working etc. I repressed the whole thing for a long time. I can't seem to keep a job since either, I've had like 5/6 jobs since, I either get fired or quit on bad terms. I feel like I can't do as good as I was doing prior to the attempt, physically & mentally I get tired way faster, & I can't deal with bs coworkers. I want to work at home but it's not really an option. I don't have a vehicle anymore, I'm in immense debt, my physical health is awful & I can't afford my meds. I'm hitting a point where I want to try again. I found this forum via Tentacrul & I'm really happy I found it. Educating myself on better methods & gaining access to some is making it feel like when I try to ctb again, it will be successful.

 

[deltap]

What do you do after a failed suicide attempt?

First priorities, cigarette

How do you deal with it?

No idea honestly. Not much changes for me, unless I'm unlucky enough to have permanent damage. Even if I'm found, doesn't matter what I say to the Dr's. I'm out on the streets with nothing more than hotlines and empty 'care plans' soon after, family pretend like it never happened.
Go back to what I was doing before, as if it never happened. It's hard, especially when you've got nobody to talk to about it, but it fades over time. Although that's where crisis & hotlines might help, I suppose, or coming on here.

 

[uglybunny]

i attempted to overdose and self harm to try to die when i was 12. ended up throwing up and my wounds healed and fr just had to live with it? i was so fucking embarrassed especially because no one found out and to this day no one knows about it. all i have been doing is living within maladaptive daydreams and suicidal ideation. if you are inclined at all to seek help i would. because i didn't until years after my attempt and they couldn't do much besides try to medicate me. :/ and it didn't work because i just felt abandoned.

 

[cat>.<]

honestly? I just feel really down in the dumps after a while. But I just follow up watching a tv show right after and eating my comfort meal :). 'til next time, whenever that is

That's exactly what I'm gonna do

 

[spøgelse]

continue like nothing happened. what else am I supposed to do? i don't have time to recover from it.

 

[scharlachrotsan]

depends
does anyone know?
no? (like SN but you vomit too much up, even a 2nd dose)
just clean up and cope ig
yes? (like SI after OD'ing on some drug)
pray i won't be sent to a treatment facility

 

[angelk]

seguir como si nada hubiera pasado. ¿Qué más se supone que debo hacer? No tengo tiempo para recuperarme de eso.

Cuando tienes un intento fallido de CBT te sientes aun mas vacio y desesperanza. solo el tiempo calma esto