Venting Extremely frustrated because i have to delay my date, YET AGAIN.

[Fragile]

this is just me venting, i just don't have anyone else that i can tell this.

i was supposed to have rented an apartment and already started the process of acquiring what i need for my method, but some family issues, specifically money and debts, ruined my plans. and being the fucking idiot that i am, i agreed to stay with them for even longer and help them with some money.

when will this pain end? just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach, that's how much i truly hate my life. and now i'm getting anxious that my illnesses worsens to the point that i can't live alone and i'm stuck here for even longer.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry for you. It's good of you to think of your family. I hate to say it but you also need to think of yourself.
If it comes to a point where you can't take care of yourself, you may not be able to CTB.

 

[Fragile]

So sorry for you. It's good of you to think of your family. I hate to say it but you also need to think of yourself.
If it comes to a point where you can't take care of yourself, you may not be able to CTB.

exactly what i fear.

but i may be able to continue with my plans in 2 months, i really hope that there are no circumstances that i can't control at least until i can get my method and have it ready before things turn even worse.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

exactly what i fear.

but i may be able to continue with my plans in 2 months, i really hope that there are no circumstances that i can't control at least until i can get my method and have it ready before things turn even worse.

I had a hiccup recently as well. I don't know if I would have gone through with it, it just sucks.

 

[Girobatol]

You dont need to rent an apartment to ctb. You can do it at home. Your family will find your dead body anyway, and it will be as hard one way or another. But you need to get your method just to be sure.

 

[Fragile]

You dont need to rent an apartment to ctb. You can do it at home. Your family will find your dead body anyway, and it will be as hard one way or another. But you need to get your method just to be sure.

yes, but the problem is that i'm having money issues on top of everything, and ordering anything will be too suspicious, not to mention that they may find my stuff if i get it.

but you are right, if it comes to it, then i'll have to do it here although i would much rather wait even if it's painful.

 

[Daffodil]

im planning to order to a PO box

 

[Moonicide]

yes, but the problem is that i'm having money issues on top of everything, and ordering anything will be too suspicious, not to mention that they may find my stuff if i get it.

but you are right, if it comes to it, then i'll have to do it here although i would much rather wait even if it's painful.

My heart breaks knowing you are hurting and suffering so much... You care about your family so much to the point of self sacrifice. How difficult that must be, it requires so much strength to stick around for our loved ones. But if your health is deteriorating then I'd suggest really thinking this through, love. I don't want you to be so stuck and deteriorating so badly that you can't make that choice with dignity. No one wants that for you here, love. How about booking a hotel instead? And have you looked into getting a PO Box?

Sending you all of my love.