Help I became homeless because I didn’t CTB

[race]

A few days ago, I planned to CTB by hanging in a small house that I could rent for one day. I had previously made a failed CTB attempt because it was partial-suspension hanging, but my new plan was full-suspension hanging.

Anyway, I rented the house for a day and left my apartment to go there and hang myself. I tied the rope to the ceiling, and everything was ready. I was waiting for the night so I could do it in the dark and no one would see me.

When the night came, I tried to take action, but I couldn't for some reason. I don't know if it was because of SI or the fear of the pain during hanging, even though I'm 100% sure that I want to CTB.

Because I couldn't do it, I decided to extend the stay for another night. The next night, the same thing happened. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kick the chair away and start hanging. This happened for three days.

Last night I tried to extend for the next day, but someone had already booked that night, so I couldn't extend again.

I have no intention of going back home. I only have my backpack, and apparently I'll be homeless for this whole day. Fortunately, tomorrow night at that house is available, and I booked it. But I'm worried about repeating the same cycle. I'm afraid that tomorrow I still won't be able to do it. I'm running out of money, and tomorrow feels like the only close chance I have.

For God's sake, all I want is to rest. I'm so tired. I wish I had some pills so I could just take them and die. The only method I have now is hanging, but it requires willpower, and SI kicks in easily.

How can I overwin my SI? How can I make sure I just fucking do it?

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

same . I've seen many here say similar things

I know I need to die ,want to die but haven't been able to yet

 

[uselessmanz]

A few days ago, I planned to CTB by hanging in a small house that I could rent for one day. I had previously made a failed CTB attempt because it was partial-suspension hanging, but my new plan was full-suspension hanging.

Anyway, I rented the house for a day and left my apartment to go there and hang myself. I tied the rope to the ceiling, and everything was ready. I was waiting for the night so I could do it in the dark and no one would see me.

When the night came, I tried to take action, but I couldn't for some reason. I don't know if it was because of SI or the fear of the pain during hanging, even though I'm 100% sure that I want to CTB.

Because I couldn't do it, I decided to extend the stay for another night. The next night, the same thing happened. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kick the chair away and start hanging. This happened for three days.

Last night I tried to extend for the next day, but someone had already booked that night, so I couldn't extend again.

I have no intention of going back home. I only have my backpack, and apparently I'll be homeless for this whole day. Fortunately, tomorrow night at that house is available, and I booked it. But I'm worried about repeating the same cycle. I'm afraid that tomorrow I still won't be able to do it. I'm running out of money, and tomorrow feels like the only close chance I have.

For God's sake, all I want is to rest. I'm so tired. I wish I had some pills so I could just take them and die. The only method I have now is hanging, but it requires willpower, and SI kicks in easily.

How can I overwin my SI? How can I make sure I just fucking do it?

Alcohol!!! Suicide is a matter of logic. You know there's the possibility of massive pain even if you die because who knows what the afterlife brings. You must accept that far greater pain could exists AFTER this world and also remember that far BETTER days could also exist.

I've failed to SI twice. This time, I will succeed via alcohol. Tommorow night.

 

[darksouls]

I hope you have found peace

 

[Matchaaa]

I hope you can find the right rhythm and find peace.💚