Extended goodbye thread

[here_for_now]

ctb route is fent plus Xanax or jumping or slicing my neck. My budget is $15 I fucked a lot of things up in my life but i wish i could have a second chance. I realized today that will never be a possibility. My doctor cut me off my benzodiazepine prescription that gives me the only quality of life i have and he pretended to give me a referral for pain management knowing that the clinic was closed, i respected advocated for myself and he cold turkey off my meds, i will lower my tolerance then take all Xanax at once in combination with purchased fentanyl and do the thing I should've done years ago.

I'm a victim of cointelpro (USA government psychological toruture program designed to either make you kill yourself or do violent actions or be instultizlized) I've tried my very best to play ball and live a normal life but they wont stop until I'm dead.

If you live in America I highly suggest you leave, dont end up like me. I have untreated severe chronic pain and anxiety and I'm at risk of seizures (please dont say ER the clinic i went to was a federal controlled clinic and i have proof that i wont share since that's pointless.

If any Feds try to comment that I'm crazy or mentally ill thats ok, I've accepted that my life is over. I will make the time random to maximize my chances of death

Family is abuisve i have no resources and I'm isolated with no hope. Like a retarded person i coped myself into believing they would recruit me or pay me a lump sum, i was willing to sell my soul if they gave me some freedom and my life back. America is a racist bigoted survllience state, if you ask for proof i will provide but they might target you too.

If my mom swallowed me i would never had to deal with this but it's ok they want me to die anyways so we have the same goal. Just wish I could've had a normal life and worked in my dream career. Love you all this is my last post here if I'm still here ill lurk but i wont sign in.

 

[yotaka]

I'm so sorry things have gone this way for you, my friend. It blows my mind that so many Americans are either unaware of atrocities like COINTELPRO or else just don't care. What a sick country in a sick world.

Whatever lies ahead for you, I hope you find peace and relief.

 

[here_for_now]

I'm so sorry things have gone this way for you, my friend. It blows my mind that so many Americans are either unaware of atrocities like COINTELPRO or else just don't care. What a sick country in a sick world.

Whatever lies ahead for you, I hope you find peace and relief.

Thanks friend. I thought they wanted to work with my skills but i realized that if they wanted to recruit me they would've done it a long time ago, they've psychologically raped me for years and life just isnt't worth it anymore.
I'll miss my mom and brother tho but i tried living 2 years with federal approved psyclogical rape and its my breaking point

 

[EmptyBottle]

Sending hugs from Australia

Just remember that even after posting this, there's no obligation to CTB here (eg one can choose to postpone if one wants), even after posting a goodbye thread.

 

[here_for_now]

Fun update my uncle chocked me close to death so i think about 30-40 seconds and now my thoart and chronic pain volume turned up. But at least i know what partial hanging is supposed to feel like. I'm attempting partial hanging now wish me luck
Of course hospital refuses to treat my chronic pain that would allow me to live a normal life as well as my acute pain and cherry on top, my uncle didnt get arrested for trying to choke me to death! This is more proof of the success of conitelpro please dont stay in America if they do this to a nobody they will do it to you just please stay away American federal agents enjoy torturing people they allowed a known abuser choke me i showed video evidence to police of him committing felonies to me but since I'm on conitnelpro nothing happens.

Honestly i sometimes used to hate the feds but i wish they heal, my body is already fucked for life and my mental health is non existent i just want to die now

 

[Aflame5926]

Fun update my uncle chocked me close to death so i think about 30-40 seconds and now my thoart and chronic pain volume turned up. But at least i know what partial hanging is supposed to feel like. I'm attempting partial hanging now wish me luck

good luck man. hope you find your relief and hopefully not issues

 

[here_for_now]

good luck man. hope you find your relief and hopefully not issues

Ill need the luck, cant even hang my self just tried and its too painful. Ill just do vsed since i got 2 months
Wish me luck day one of vsed no water no food

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[cluefixphantom]

I also hope you find your peace but before you try to leave, report what happened to you as a human rights violation? I'm really sorry to read that you're clearly not getting the help you need. I've experienced that my whole life too. 2025 I started to call it out to the authorities in Germany, with the intention of also being compensated, which has not happened yet. I think there are so many lifes ruined thanks to the people in power especially in medical/psycho-justice industry.

It's systematic discrimination. This is the standard here in Germany when someone is poor and has disabilities, no rich lobby/family behind who cares they do to you what they want.

I'm trapped since years in a toxic conservative environment. The ordinary people are classists and ableists. And since end 2024/jan 2025 I'm only in my room to rot away. There is no place to go.

After I was again abused in psychiatric hospital 2024 the people in the Jobcenter where I receive government aid (Hartz5), tried to cut me off and wrote as reason because I missed € symbol. This was just bullying and they wanted to make me homeless – they know that I have disabilities and as a woman, being homeless is dangerous because of men – so I wrote everything to the social court (Sozialamt), and then I started receiving payments again. But no real help when it comes to care because I need a real human who supports me. And I didn't received any compensation for the psychiatric mistreatment since 2014. I was locked away 2014 the first time because I couldn't go to school anymore due to bullying. I was everyday isolated, insulted as ugly and for my body odor.

There is something seriously wrong with society to treat people (especially poor disabled ones) who are victims of violence like that.

They want to keep locking people up in psychiatric hospitals or prison, lobotomize them with antidepressants because they make a lot of money from it and it's how they justify their institutions and jobs.

Because of this, I also have no quality of life and only traumatizations. People like me should actually receive at least 1 million in compensation, since we didn't bring ourselves into this situation. My parents passed on poverty, physical disabilities, all the bullying, hate crime/discrimination, ethnic traumatas and so on to me. I 100% will never have a good job in this life, I maybe die this year in my room too. The employers simply don't want disabled, ugly, traumatized people. They want bullies who harvest vulnerability and vulnerable people.

All my life, I have been isolated and bullied as ugly, r'tard or stigmatized as mentally ill. They never saw me as a human or woman. The people who did this are seen as normal, either male or female nothing inbetween and pretty and earn money now for bullying and exploiting vulnerabel people. They have family and start to make offspring, they have friends, can travel, can buy their food in local stores, can spread lies without any interruptions. Many other ordinary people listen to them. They have a life but not humans like me.

Nobody cared about me, my wellbeing, physical disorders and interests. They took my health away and I never had human rights in Germany. This is just for the rich and their labor-wage-slaves. I'm still suffer from pain and only have access to Paracetamol and Ibuprufen.

The ordinary people really keep you down and they have all the typical dark traits, are imo national socialists and the same people that started the Witchhunts (european Holocaust against women). Their offspring is even more aggressiv and crazy and "efficient" in exploiting the vulnerabel.

In America, I probably would have ended up like Audrey Hale or similar. I would have killed my parents first, then others for this shitty life. It's sad that the worst people become the norm due to their breeding behavior and fitness and make so much money from the pain they inflicted on us. I had no money or just the government aid 560 or 563 euro.

I'm grateful for not having any children and that I found some answers in Antinatalism and Feminism that the problem isn't me but the normal and elite people who deliberately bully, lie, exploit and kill us.

 

[Chito and Yuuri]

I hope you find peace, but once again, do NOT commit suicide on the freeway, since you said that you would in your recent post of course. Listen to me, don't please, just don't.