Venting Everytime I failed I feel like an attention seeking bitch

[kufajoy]

Yesterday was my 3rd attempt but I failed again. I fix date, prepare and fail. Everytime I fix date I spent the last week locking myself in my room, not meeting family members, talking or eating time to time. Went from 90kg to 55kg in last 6 month. I feel like I'm taking too much attention sometimes. I just making them worries. I can't even end it at once. I just cried infront of my mom which I never did before. I feel so hopeless.
I have everything for ctb. Propofol, sn and even rope. I pull rope out after some second, couldn't drink sn mix after fasting and taking all the medicine and couldn't even turn on the infusion pump for propofol. I'm just a failure.

 

[InevitableDeath]

Failing's brutal. Sorry you had to go through that. Give yourself a break for a bit.