Chr0nicAnhedonic
poisoned to my rotten core
- Oct 1, 2023
- 56
The pieces are all falling into place. I have my own apartment now, and I'm almost entirely isolated from everyone I know. I drove away pretty much all of my "friends" with my horrific personality and attitude, and am growing more estranged from my family every day. The loneliness hurts, but being around others while still harboring that loneliness is so much worse.
I have my rope and I think I've got a decent anchor to tie it to as well. There's an anime movie I want to see at the end of this year; once I've seen it, I'll officially have nothing else to live for. I will catch the bus then. Perhaps it's selfish of me to tie my life to a piece of media, but I no longer care. Staying alive because your family would otherwise be upset or for the possibility of a better tomorrow can only last so long. Ultimately, people will get over it. I haven't made a positive impact on anyone's lives, and staying any longer would hurt me and everyone I'm around.
It sucks that this is the way it has to be, but I've made my peace with it. I'm a toxic, good-for-nothing person who wasted their one shot at life and made everyone miserable for being in contact with me. I doubt things will be substantially different when I'm gone, but I'll at least be rid of the chains holding me in this world. I'm just biding my time until then.
I have my rope and I think I've got a decent anchor to tie it to as well. There's an anime movie I want to see at the end of this year; once I've seen it, I'll officially have nothing else to live for. I will catch the bus then. Perhaps it's selfish of me to tie my life to a piece of media, but I no longer care. Staying alive because your family would otherwise be upset or for the possibility of a better tomorrow can only last so long. Ultimately, people will get over it. I haven't made a positive impact on anyone's lives, and staying any longer would hurt me and everyone I'm around.
It sucks that this is the way it has to be, but I've made my peace with it. I'm a toxic, good-for-nothing person who wasted their one shot at life and made everyone miserable for being in contact with me. I doubt things will be substantially different when I'm gone, but I'll at least be rid of the chains holding me in this world. I'm just biding my time until then.
