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wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 297
i've done everything wrong my entire life, i feel like i'm still dealing with the repercussions of the decisions i made as a child.
i think being homeschooled really ruined me in many ways. i started homeschooling because of mental and physical health issues. i probably could've pushed through the physical issues, but i had panic attacks every morning. i could've received decent help, but i was too shy to tell anyone that my meds and therapists were shit. i kept saying that i felt better, so nothing ever happened. that all occured from ages 7-12ish. all because of that, i ended up being homeschooled through middle and high school and it ruined many aspects of my life.
i would still be in uni, but some shit happened with my doctor, i had issues with my medication, and i had to leave. i'm still enrolled, i just have to pay a few thousand dollars if i ever want to go back. this probably could've been wiped if i pushed harder, but i felt too exhausted. if i worked towards it from the start, i would've had enough to pay it off by now. i've had my stupid "i'll die soon, so it doesn't matter" mentality through all of this, so it's all still the same. i'm obviously still here, so that mentality wasn't helpful.
my goofy ass failed attempts ruined everything as well. i noticed a shift in a lot of my friendships after my first failed attempt in 2024. i was stupid enough to announce it to them, and i think that messed things up. i was always talking about depression and suicide, i'm pretty sure i exhausted everyone and that was just the final straw. i have a feeling that everyone assumed that i was lying about the severity of my struggling and probably my attempt as well. i was hospitalized for a few days, got some meds, felt better for a bit, but it all went to shit because of the thing with my doctor.
i'm the reason why i'm completely alone and have no joy in my life. my friends all dipped because i'm kinda shit. i'm exhausting to be around. when i'm not exhausting, i'm just boring. if i went to real school during my childhood, i'd probably have an actual personality and friends and fun memories. it all comes full circle in a really cringe way. anyways, i feel like i could've kept my friends if i tried harder. i noticed everyone losing interest, but i didn't push hard enough. i noticed people becoming annoyed or exhausted, but i couldn't stop whining about my problems.
i feel like a clown for even venting about anything, because everything i vent about is usually my fault in some way. i'm going to die alone and pathetic and i can't blame anyone but myself.
i think being homeschooled really ruined me in many ways. i started homeschooling because of mental and physical health issues. i probably could've pushed through the physical issues, but i had panic attacks every morning. i could've received decent help, but i was too shy to tell anyone that my meds and therapists were shit. i kept saying that i felt better, so nothing ever happened. that all occured from ages 7-12ish. all because of that, i ended up being homeschooled through middle and high school and it ruined many aspects of my life.
i would still be in uni, but some shit happened with my doctor, i had issues with my medication, and i had to leave. i'm still enrolled, i just have to pay a few thousand dollars if i ever want to go back. this probably could've been wiped if i pushed harder, but i felt too exhausted. if i worked towards it from the start, i would've had enough to pay it off by now. i've had my stupid "i'll die soon, so it doesn't matter" mentality through all of this, so it's all still the same. i'm obviously still here, so that mentality wasn't helpful.
my goofy ass failed attempts ruined everything as well. i noticed a shift in a lot of my friendships after my first failed attempt in 2024. i was stupid enough to announce it to them, and i think that messed things up. i was always talking about depression and suicide, i'm pretty sure i exhausted everyone and that was just the final straw. i have a feeling that everyone assumed that i was lying about the severity of my struggling and probably my attempt as well. i was hospitalized for a few days, got some meds, felt better for a bit, but it all went to shit because of the thing with my doctor.
i'm the reason why i'm completely alone and have no joy in my life. my friends all dipped because i'm kinda shit. i'm exhausting to be around. when i'm not exhausting, i'm just boring. if i went to real school during my childhood, i'd probably have an actual personality and friends and fun memories. it all comes full circle in a really cringe way. anyways, i feel like i could've kept my friends if i tried harder. i noticed everyone losing interest, but i didn't push hard enough. i noticed people becoming annoyed or exhausted, but i couldn't stop whining about my problems.
i feel like a clown for even venting about anything, because everything i vent about is usually my fault in some way. i'm going to die alone and pathetic and i can't blame anyone but myself.
