I will quote what another commentor once said on this very subject:
I'm scared. The process itself doesn't sound too bad when really thought about.
I've read peoples failed experiences. Some say it was not bad before they suddenly blacked out. Some say it was quite distressing. I have no idea how I'll react, I'm young and my body is healthy, I don't know if that will make it harder.
The overall experience I think, can't be that bad. A bad tasting drink, potential headache/nausea [...].
I just think it's scary to know that in those 10-20 minutes, I'll know that my body is dying, my organs are shutting down, I've poisoned myself and this is a permanent decision.
I'm sad that my last meal will be a disgusting drink. I'm sad that my last moments will be me high on benzos, probably dissociating and feeling ill.
I know SN remains one of the easier ways to CTB. But still, it's sad and scary for me. I just wish I didn't have to feel this way and be this way. I just want to spend my life happy and with my girlfriend.
all of your blood molecules literally suffocate; skin turns blue, tachycardia (heart beats really really fast) would likely make it even more stressful; death is pretty brutal; and death is not pretty, no matter
what you call it.
So everyone talks about SN, it seems like the most liked method here cause it is painless, but the SI is still there and requires lots of preparation.
I can't think of a single method that doesn't suck in a certain way... either painful, super scary or too much planning, or all of the above.
you hit the nail on the head here. yes; every method is unfeasible or horrifying in some prohibitive and deeply unacceptable way.
that's, tbh; a good argument against suicide itself; the amount of massive time-consuming planning and/or brutal suffering / self-violating self-forcing that a suicide would require. It is no fun to plan your own death; actually, rather, it is time-consuming, maddeningly uncertain, excruciatingly complex, painstakingly tedious, horrifyingly desensitizing, and many other phrases.
Capital punishment is the most premeditated of murders, to which no criminal's deed, however calculated, can be compared. For there to be an equivalency, the death penalty would have to punish a criminal who had warned his victim of the date on which he would inflict a horrible death on him and who, from that moment onward, had confined him at his mercy for months. Such a monster is not to be encountered in private life.
—Albert Camus, Reflections on the Guillotine (1957)
Of course; one could accuse me of exaggerating here—but I do not intend to equivocate suicide to 'murder' or capital punishment itself here. No, what I am focusing on
here is the emotion felt by the captive describe in this harrowing quite from Camus on an underlooked terror of the capital punishment: the legal aspect. Being confined in a space, having your name signed away, and feeling unable to escape a date which you feel forced into. Such is the feeling of imprisonment and feeling damned. And a person may end up incidentally imprisoning themselves in their own mind, as well.
The reason I quote this here, is then, to say; that a person issuing their own death warrant, feels similarly damned and horrified. Psychology is above my pay-grade here, but; it appears that the pure shock factor of it can make a person feel so disarmed as to feel powerless to resist against it. In other words; they end up unable to resist convincing themselves. An odd conundrum, maybe.
However; I think it does suffice to say, that many of the deaths undergone by suicide, are especially lonely and oppressive—far from the "died surrounded by loved ones and family" kind of peaceful ending that some would wish for. This is indeed a horrifying thing. And I don't say this to "fearmonger" or scare people: this is just the reality of how suicide is. It's not some kind of divine trip, or the climax to a movie: it's a deeply depressing scene, of loneliness and unrequited emotions (both hopes, dreams,
and pain), among countless other things.
One should consider if this scene, and all of the disturbing details of it that stir the heart and cause the mind to be unable to be at ease if one anticipates such a grave fate upon one's self, is truly ideal, and is truly better than all other options available to one's self. It seems too horrible a thing for a person to do to themselves; and I truly do believe that people deserve better than this.
There is talk of there being pleasure or euphoria in this; but I would not believe that there is
no pain or shock at all (including desensitized disturbance that is felt but whose expression is slowed), in such a well, shocking & blatantly scary action. The extent one must go to to coax oneself into such a state, to me, seems enough evidence as to the contrivedness of its practicality. It really doesn't seem like an effective or ideal solution; maybe it would be considered effective or ideal if "all you had to do was press some big red button"—but that is not the reality of the crude nature of suicide methods. They are ineffective—can often be easily botched, with painful effects—expensive, chaotic, painful to obtain, stressful to have (it weighs heavy on the mind to have possible death living in the same home as you), and overall just a terrible time.
When the full context of how perilous
any suicide method is (One could go into technicalities of vices of this method and misgivings of that; but they become somewhat obvious on closer inspection), recovery does not seem like such a farfetched endeavor, in context. In my opinion; in the
VAST majority of cases; suicide is
such a painful, perilous, and time-consuming action, that alternatives end up being less painful in the long run. (I'm speaking for the ethics of the individual's life here.—It just seems unideal for a person to experience the pain of forcing themselves into duress, having to literally try and botch their natural survival instinct mechanisms—it all seems terribly traumatizing; let alone how much more disturbing it would be to experience firsthand than to merely assess the situation.)
Of course suicide is never considered an "ideal" option; but in this perspective it seems not only unideal, but suboptimal, and an option that cannot fulfill what the concepts of it seem to promise. The stress and painstaking tedium and shock of planning death, far outweighs any short-term relief that suicidal ideation offers to the person. So it seems that, from the perspective of the self-concerned individual who is most interested in minimizing their own suffering and negative experience, that actually
going through with suicide, would not be in their best interests; and would only cause more horrific and unnecessary suffering. This is what I see from my viewpoint here.
I close with this fine poem from Dorothy Parker.
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
—
Resumé, Dorothy Parker
