Venting dumping thoughts

[onism]

Just feel the need to let out... Something. Anything. I never know what to say. Have been here for a while now, but still only two posts

Still alive. Still, every day, buried under the crushing weight of how thoroughly I would like to not be alive. My resources remain severely limited. I feel trapped, imprisoned. In this space, in my body, in this life. If I could just flip a switch and turn myself off, I would. God, how I wish I could. Not wanting to be awake/conscious has been a thing for years. I'll often intentionally try to knock myself out, just so I don't have to be awake. Just to pass the time. Toss back some melatonin and diphenhydramine midday, so for a brief moment, I don't have to live with myself.

But then I'm awake again. And fuck, how I wish I weren't. I don't think I have anything to say that hasn't already been said. Don't really have expectations by posting. But I just. I don't know.

I just don't know.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

I recognize most you say. I'm trapped in this body and want to flick the death switch. People jokingly say theres a useless superpower: "the power to die at any moment". I wish it existed. Someone in chat told me there is such a switch: "It's called the trigger of a shotgun". But where the hell am I going to find a gun in my country.

I too sleep in the afternoon just not to feel. Sleep = no pain (mostly). So I also recognize that. When I wake up the devastation of life comes back.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I also feel so trapped in this torturous existence and I suffer so much from how I cannot just fall into an permanent sleep, all I personally hope for is to not exist, I just want to never exist ever again, I find it so dreadful to be conscious in this existence, I'd personally never wish to be conscious of anything at all.