Story Drugs and Psychedelics

[SanctionedSkittles]

I have been in an unending cycle of: depression => suicidal ideation/planning => medications => recovery. No medication seems to last forever, and it's exhausting to think that my relief is only temporary. My recovery is basically not actively trying to kill myself; the low moods and nonexistent motivation is always there. Thinking about my future just deflates me, and the only motivation and thing I looked forward to is dying. It's hard to try to be content when you don't have a reference point of what being happy feels like.

Weed and psychedelics such as LSD and shrooms are probably the main things that are keeping me going. Using them made me experience what being okay feels like, and knowing what that feels like allows me to have hope. It makes me look forward to my next trip, and even 'bad trips' are in a way enjoyable for me. It is an expensive hobby, but it is also what keeps me working a job and making money. On them, I had my first realization of "life is beautiful", which used to be such an unfathomable concept for me. Listening to music is out of this world. And on weed, food is amazing. Also, looking into the mirror after coming down from a trip has boosted my self-image.

I think anyone who is serious about CTB should try drugs first (maybe not hard drugs though). I mean there is nothing to lose, and if there is a chance of helping it's always worth to try.

 

[olearius]

I've failed so many drugs and I've been doing therapy for my entire adult life. And I've wanted to ctb since I was 4.

I just recently finally got my hands on some shrooms and I've dosed myself based on the study protocols from the recent clinical trials.

It hasn't helped my depression or SI tbh. I didn't get any feelings of connection or hope or anything. Just visual shit. But I suspect it's because I have severe alexithymia and don't have an emotional narrative or feelings.

I would really like to try LSD since it's far more potent. But my autistic ass can't make friends to buy drugs from. Do you feel like one helped more than the other (LSD vs shrooms)?

 

[AshClouds]

I use my fair share of cannabis, even when high I still suffer complete emotional breakdowns

 

[SanctionedSkittles]

I've failed so many drugs and I've been doing therapy for my entire adult life. And I've wanted to ctb since I was 4.

I just recently finally got my hands on some shrooms and I've dosed myself based on the study protocols from the recent clinical trials.

It hasn't helped my depression or SI tbh. I didn't get any feelings of connection or hope or anything. Just visual shit. But I suspect it's because I have severe alexithymia and don't have an emotional narrative or feelings.

I would really like to try LSD since it's far more potent. But my autistic ass can't make friends to buy drugs from. Do you feel like one helped more than the other (LSD vs shrooms)?

Depends where you live. Some places have dispensaries that anyone 19+ can go and buy LSD/shrooms.
LSD was the drug where I felt like everything was perfect. Shrooms were more visual for me as well. But it's also the type of shroom you take and how much.
(ex. Golden Teacher was more introspective, PE was more hallucinogenic)