Venting drinking to cope is harm reduction to me

[hahahahhkjsk]

hi guys im sorry for the typos i drabk again ive been drinking since yesterday prerty kucb sufden yea also gemini is not rekiavle bc this is some honemade spirit drink (pálinka either apricot or plum) so the content is anywjere between 40-70% apparently becaide ot burns my mouth esophagus and stomach slightly anf is warm for several minutes its so good it hits so fucking good brah

but well! drinking makes me less suicidal! anf more hopegul! uts a temporary copong emchanism because ive been waking ip with first thought before my brain even reboots beong Man I Need To Fuvking Die basicalky as soon as i open my eyes im immediately flooded with suicudal tjoughts and today my second comprehensivle thought was basically very vivid idea about an actually executable PSH in the comfort of my room!!!!! im fuvking cooked if i open my eyes and second thought i have upon waki g ip is literally a whole METHOD on how to ctb!!! but drinking reduces it!!! i feel great! and i feel hopegul anf i can actually do things and be honedg and have my inhibition lwoered which means my shame and potential ocd (after gruelling realisations and a lifetime of surpressing my thought i thibk theres a possibility that moral scrupulodity and phiolosophical / existential ocd is ehat has been ruining my life and enabling my potentual undiagnosed bpd) are Queit for once!!!! i know i know fucking atrocious idra but it actually makes me feel ok for fucking once. i feek atcualy hopeful and ive been able to get into a very pleasant headsoace of wanting to Live and work on myself thanks to the alchool.
NOT WNDORSEMENT sicne i still live w my psrents im afult age but graduated high school alr its just my sucky wucky matura finals left anf im going to uni nahhh im getting a fucking job whetever i can and mobing out of this open prison hell, im basically stealing my dads alcohol from the garage theres so many bottles and he doesnt give a fuck bro this bottle is literally just without any label just glass and transparent liquid with a mydteriozs % alcohol level BUT THIS IS GOOD TO ME i dont care if im drunk or tipsy all day long AS LONG AS I DONT THINK ABOUT CTB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i think i might be able to actually get myself to recover if i just keeo this pleasant state going While not negkecting the rest of my life. my parents dont notice at all when i drink i think because if they would have noticed. they would have commented on it LOL anyways i think theres hope for me. hoepgully. because i already tested the logistics of my PSH method out and yea basically it works so death is like one step away but im drunk = i feel so lovepilled i want to live i will jot make an impulse attempt udner the influence why would i when it makes me feel so hopeful and excited to live like that patrick drooling in oaradise gif thanks for reading mwah

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

enjoy the quiet brain while it lasts. i sometimes do the same with otc meds and drugs. the alcohol drowns out that loud noise and finally makes the shame and pain temporarily stop. i get it but just be careful. alcohol stops being a pause button and turns into a cage pretty fast. eventually the bottle stops working and you just end up trapped in a completely different way. drink some water before you pass out so you do not wake up feeling like actual death. alcohol never made anything better in the long run. for me alcohol / drugs feel similar to self harm. a cut stops my brain from losing it temporarily but cutting around on myself never changed anything for the better in the long run. the opposite is true.

 

[Phobia_DLW]

Personally, towards the end of my drinking, the CTB urge becomes very strong, do you feel the same?