Discussion Don't you hate when you tell someone you're suicidal and their immediate reaction is to make it about themselves?

[slushy]

Ever notice how when you finally gain to courage to talk to someone about being suicidal, even if it's someone you love deeply and trust, they instantly start talking about how it affects THEM? Like talking about how devastated THEY would be if you died. No acknowledgement at all about the pain I'm in or the relief suicide would bring me. Just how sad it makes THEM feel. They don't actually care what I'm feeling, only to the point where it affects them. More proof that even good people are inherently self-centered and only truly care for themselves

 

[UnlimitedPain]

Yep, happens to me today in fact.

Then people think the ones who CTB are selfish

 

[lifeisadream]

So sorry that's the reaction you've had. Sadly it happens so often because unless that person truly understands the mind of a suicidal person they can't seem to grasp the concept of a fellow being wanting to end their life. The "what about me" reaction followed by the standard utterance of "selfish" is all too common. Can't abide the guilt trip which comes when suicidal thoughts are shared with someone who you're close too. I think if they truly understood then the reaction would be different & they wouldn't even consider the impact on them because it isn't actually about them. It's hard enough sharing those thoughts on the outside world then to be essentially told off. I've learnt not to share any ctb thoughts because don't want to be sectioned or ghosted by people I thought cared.

 

[niiina]

I think talking about ctb with other people is a big mistake, it's likely they'll respond in a non desirable way like being selfish, moralist, religious speech, submitting you to a forced hospitalization, calling you selfish, etc, etc.
they'll never understand.
For sure the critics will continue after we're too dead, but who cares?
Suicide makes us more alone, it's us and our method staring at each other till the time is right.

 

[thereisthemist]

now I just don't hate them, I stay away from them. isolation happens here so to speak.
they do so trying to empathize but failed because of experience difference. they has not much left to do/react anyways.

 

[jodes2]

My gf does that a lot. She tends to guilt me every time I talk about suicide. I think it's because she has BPD and can't handle the fear of abandonment, and becomes emotional

 

[UnlimitedPain]

Gonna sound crazy maybe

But I have openly discussed this with doctors and therapist and even ask to be put into a mental hospital but apparently I can't

Other hand I don't have money to check myself into a private one

 

[Side-By-Side]

Geez I am so sorry you had to experience that. Experiencing that sucks especially coming from someone you love because you thought you could talk about your struggles with them...

I experienced something similar and sometimes when I don't even bring it up, my SO brings it up out of the blue and makes me feel bad for feeling this way...So I try my best to shut up and not talk about it...

I know my SO doesn't mean to and realize that he is guilt tripping me but I have come to the understanding that he isn't able to fathom what I am going through because he has never experienced anything close to what I am going through.

 

[slushy]

I think talking about ctb with other people is a big mistake, it's likely they'll respond in a non desirable way like being selfish, moralist, religious speech, submitting you to a forced hospitalization, calling you selfish, etc, etc.
they'll never understand.
For sure the critics will continue after we're too dead, but who cares?
Suicide makes us more alone, it's us and our method staring at each other till the time is right.

You're right in saying this. Not only because it can get you in trouble, but because it's draining for them. I think it's better to not tell anyone and let it be a surprise. Let them find out when I'm dead. But sometimes I have a moment of weakness, where I just tell a friend or whoever out of desperation. I always hope it will help me, because I've always been told it's supposed to. It never has

 

[Lost Magic]

I have told people in the past including doctors. I no longer do this because like many of you have said, most will try to prevent you anyway. It's not worth the hassle. Plus, I have this community of like-minded souls to talk about it. I don't need to aggro from outsiders who will never understand.

 

[SamTam33]

Yep, happens to me today in fact.

Then people think the ones who CTB are selfish

People also claim it's "selfish" to not want kids. This label seems particularly reserved for women who don't want kids.

It's ironic (more like MORONIC) how society seemingly champions individualism and designing your own life, blah, blah, blah - until you design a life they disagree with. Then it's "selfish."

I say this in the nicest way possible... FUCK YOU, society. Fuck you.

 

[Hystearical]

You're right in saying this. Not only because it can get you in trouble, but because it's draining for them. I think it's better to not tell anyone and let it be a surprise. Let them find out when I'm dead. But sometimes I have a moment of weakness, where I just tell a friend or whoever out of desperation. I always hope it will help me, because I've always been told it's supposed to. It never has

It's not a matter of weakness. It's natural and understandable to want to confide in someone. That's why it didn't take long for suicide discussion boards to spring up as soon as the technology enabled them.

 

[outrider567]

Ever notice how when you finally gain to courage to talk to someone about being suicidal, even if it's someone you love deeply and trust, they instantly start talking about how it affects THEM? Like talking about how devastated THEY would be if you died. No acknowledgement at all about the pain I'm in or the relief suicide would bring me. Just how sad it makes THEM feel. They don't actually care what I'm feeling, only to the point where it affects them. More proof that even good people are inherently self-centered and only truly care for themselves

Yeah my cousin Pam is like that, which is why I stopped phoning her months ago, and only contact her by email

 

[Someone123]

Ever notice how when you finally gain to courage to talk to someone about being suicidal, even if it's someone you love deeply and trust, they instantly start talking about how it affects THEM? Like talking about how devastated THEY would be if you died. No acknowledgement at all about the pain I'm in or the relief suicide would bring me. Just how sad it makes THEM feel. They don't actually care what I'm feeling, only to the point where it affects them. More proof that even good people are inherently self-centered and only truly care for themselves

I do think their intent is often to try to make you feelo valued by others, to try to make you feel important to others and valuable. It would be worse if they said well, I don't mind, just leave if you want to- this would be basically saying you are worthless, they are trying to say that you are worth something. If you said to them- I don't have any other ideas for how to stop this pain maybe they would offer some ideas short of ctb. If they said I understnad, do this if you need to to stop the pain then they would feel guilty about this later if they care about you. Some peoepl try to drive others to suicide- if they push you towards thyis it would be mean in a way though. They don't know how to step into your shoes usually if they care but haven't been through this.

 

[eternapeace]

I think talking about ctb with other people is a big mistake, it's likely they'll respond in a non desirable way like being selfish, moralist, religious speech, submitting you to a forced hospitalization, calling you selfish, etc, etc.
they'll never understand.
For sure the critics will continue after we're too dead, but who cares?
Suicide makes us more alone, it's us and our method staring at each other till the time is right.

A big mistake I made was to tell a few people (immediate family, two friends) that I was thinking of ctb.
What I've realized is it's not productive to debate about whether we should or should not ctb. Neither side will fully understand the other.
They don't understand why we don't see any other option.
They don't understand why we can't just "move on/move forward". Some things in life, you can't simply "move on". Unless "move on" means ctb.
They might think we're selfish. But they can't see their own selfishness wanting us to live for them.
We're "selfish" and yet they will encourage us to "take care of yourself"/"you need to think about yourself". If, in response, you tell them that eternal unconsciousness is the happiest you will ever be/the best thing you could do for yourself, they won't agree. They will say we need to "find help"/we need to talk to therapists. As if any amount of talking will solve the problem.

My gf does that a lot. She tends to guilt me every time I talk about suicide. I think it's because she has BPD and can't handle the fear of abandonment, and becomes emotional

Probably has little to do with her having bpd. I think it's just a normal/common response from people who care about us but never had their own suicidal ideations. They want to stop us and one of the easiest ways they can think of doing that is guilt trip.

You're right in saying this. Not only because it can get you in trouble, but because it's draining for them. I think it's better to not tell anyone and let it be a surprise. Let them find out when I'm dead. But sometimes I have a moment of weakness, where I just tell a friend or whoever out of desperation. I always hope it will help me, because I've always been told it's supposed to. It never has

Right. Better to just say everything in suicide notes than draining them everyday. It's not helpful to us nor for them to talk about it.

People also claim it's "selfish" to not want kids. This label seems particularly reserved for women who don't want kids.

It's ironic (more like MORONIC) how society seemingly champions individualism and designing your own life, blah, blah, blah - until you design a life they disagree with. Then it's "selfish."

I say this in the nicest way possible... FUCK YOU, society. Fuck you.

It's way more selfish to want kids. When there's already a ton of kids who have no parents, but people wanna create their own "mini-mes".

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that it can never be beneficial telling others that you wish to die. It would only just make things worse and others can potentially interfere with our plans to leave. Others cannot see life from our point of view anyway so any conversation would likely just lead to invalidation and after all we live in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and our right to die is not respected by so many.

But people can certainly be very self centred and I believe it to be wrong to try to guilt trip and force others to stay here. It isn't as though any of us asked for this life in the first place and other people have no right to interfere in our personal decision. The fact is that grief and loss are simply inevitable in life and there is no value to prolonging suffering unless the person themselves wishes to continue existing.

 

[actual_fox]

I tried to hint at It and It was a mistake. I got: people would be sad.
Yeah I am not dumb. Shit is fucked and I am tired.