Does the concept of recovery also not apply to anybody else here?

[ijustwishtodie]

...or, alternatively, the only way for you to recover is by death.

From what I've seen on this site, there are people here who have tried everything to recover but failed whilst there are a few people here who can't do anything regarding recovery in the first place. For example, based from what I've seen, some people here seem to be suicidal because they can't get into a relationship which means that, if they were to get into a relationship, their suicidal ideation would most likely go away. Alternatively, some people are suicidal because they aren't accepted enough by society or by friends or by family which means that, if they were to get accepted by them, their suicidal ideation would go away.

Of course that's a valid issue to have but those types of people aren't what my post is meant to focus on as I'm more intrigued in those who the concept of recovery doesn't apply for. As an example, I'm suicidal because of life itself and having to deal with responsibilities and work. Unfortunately, responsibilities and work are forced to be done for 99% of humanity and the only way to escape this is by suicide, meaning that the concept of recovery doesn't apply to me. Another example where the concept of recovery doesn't apply is being suicidal to avoid getting potentially worse pain in the future as those who are dead have a 0% chance of getting extreme pain whereas those who are alive have a small, slight chance of dealing with extreme pain just due to mere chance. Yet another example where the concept of recovery doesn't apply is avoiding old age as there's no way to recover from that aside from suicide.

I hope you get the point by now. Does the concept of recovery also not apply to anybody else here? If so, why?

 

[Hunterer]

Well, I think the concept of recovery doesn't apply to me in some ways. For example, I wouldn't want to have to deal with the responsibilities of life, because we have to work hard to secure basic rights like water, food and decent housing, and I don't think it's worth studying for years to get a job, just to survive. That's not the kind of life I want for myself.

I also hate the idea of getting old. Sure, it's part of life, but I really can't imagine myself being 50 or older. This is the kind of thing that varies from person to person, but usually, as you get older, you become a debilitated person and unable to do basic things, not to mention that you may develop some disease because you didn't take good care of your health in the past. I, for example, when I started to get older, I would develop at least one or two diseases, I'm sure of it.

And finally, I know very well that in the future, I will be alone, and I will be even more unsuccessful and miserable than I am now. This would bring terrible heartbreak to my family and to myself, who longed for a bright future. But, these ideas of a "bright future" and "making dreams come true" have been shattered over time, and now, I have accepted that I will not be able to make any of my dreams come true due to my conditions, and even if I wanted to try, I do not have the necessary willpower.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it applies to me to a larger extent because I feel like- even if by some miracle, I landed all the things I wanted, I could still well feel like this. I have actually worked hard to get some of the major things I wanted in life but- it's still shit! It's like various grades of shit in front of me where even the better options are still not all that appealing! In fact, on a probability scale, it seems more likely that things will only deteriorate from now on.

I think it's also the feeling that- for things to markedly change for me- for recovery to be possible, I would have to get over some Everest sized hurdles (for me anyway,) mainly involving social anxiety and a crushing lack of self confidence in social situations. Putting myself in those situations would be hellish and it may never actually get any better. So realistically- I'd rather avoid all that!

 

[kyhoti]

I have spent decades trying to recover from addiction and trauma, life issues etc, with varying degrees of progress. However, I've reached a point of physical decline from which there is no recovery in this world. My spiritual recovery is still moving, but time has run out. I will be gone soon, so it has become moot.

 

[derpyderpins]

Self-plug, but it depends on how you define "recovery." I've argued it is applicable to everyone who isn't going to ctb right now.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

"Recovery" doesn't apply to me only in the sense that I don't see myself as being mentally ill, so there is nothing to recover from in the first place. Rather, I see myself as having simply reached the end of my lifespan, regardless of whether my physical body is still hanging on.

 

[redkitsune98]

...or, alternatively, the only way for you to recover is by death.

From what I've seen on this site, there are people here who have tried everything to recover but failed whilst there are a few people here who can't do anything regarding recovery in the first place. For example, based from what I've seen, some people here seem to be suicidal because they can't get into a relationship which means that, if they were to get into a relationship, their suicidal ideation would most likely go away. Alternatively, some people are suicidal because they aren't accepted enough by society or by friends or by family which means that, if they were to get accepted by them, their suicidal ideation would go away.

Of course that's a valid issue to have but those types of people aren't what my post is meant to focus on as I'm more intrigued in those who the concept of recovery doesn't apply for. As an example, I'm suicidal because of life itself and having to deal with responsibilities and work. Unfortunately, responsibilities and work are forced to be done for 99% of humanity and the only way to escape this is by suicide, meaning that the concept of recovery doesn't apply to me. Another example where the concept of recovery doesn't apply is being suicidal to avoid getting potentially worse pain in the future as those who are dead have a 0% chance of getting extreme pain whereas those who are alive have a small, slight chance of dealing with extreme pain just due to mere chance. Yet another example where the concept of recovery doesn't apply is avoiding old age as there's no way to recover from that aside from suicide.

I hope you get the point by now. Does the concept of recovery also not apply to anybody else here? If so, why?

theres no recovery for me. i dont want to fake being well when my biggest dream was ripped from my hands to never come back. it was the purpose of my life, and i dont want to live a different life

 

[ommanipadmehum]

i think there's recovery for the vast majority of people. there might be recovery for me. but to recover you have to want to recover. i don't. i don't even really see the point

 

[ham and potatoes]

Im hoping i can find "recovery" for me.
get back to where i was at mentally a year ago, before my crushing anxiety and depression returned.
thoes are what are crushing my will to live, if i can get thoes back under control, then hopefully i can recover

 

[Moniker]

I don't know if I can recover. Maybe.

I can't really pin down why I want to ctb. Finances are fine; health is fine. My social life is a bit stagnant, but I don't mind. I guess life just isn't fulfilling at all. I used to cry a lot for no reason, now I don't really feel much at all. There's not really a concrete issue to address here.

I talked to a few people about how I've tried partial hanging in the past and didn't gain anything out of it. It felt dismissive - pointless at best. I checked out some relevant self-help stuff too. It felt preachy and, to be blunt, really dumb. So, my last resort would be psychiatry. I think I have a lot of qualities associated with BPD. There is no way I want to deal with the stigma that comes with that.

The easiest solution here is for me to just end things. And if I can't muster up the courage to ctb, I'd rather just suck it up and deal with it.

 

[AllAlone]

I'm not sure if recovery could apply to me becuase my problems stem from my personality and who I am as a person. I have tried to change many times but it simply isn't possible. The only way I would ever have a good life is if I am not me anymore. No matter what I do I will still be me, and I am just a worthless loser that nobody likes.

I guess being happy is theoretically possible becuase I might want to live if I didn't have anxiety and I wasnt completely alone. However actually achieving these things is impossible in reality.

 

[littleearthquakes]

It doesn't apply to me because I have a progressive, degenerative chronic illness that has no good treatments or cures and will only keep getting worse as it has been. There's no way to live a normal life, recover, feel happier when my pain is severe and only getting worse, as will my limitations and bad quality of life.

 

[Z-A]

I've tried everything, most of it is beyond my control. My mindset and my desires have been shattered by the past. It's done, mentally and physically, all irreversible. So in my case, only recovery I want is a peaceful end.

 

[foreverandalways28]

Unless my fiancé could magically come back from the dead and we can live the life we planned out together, recovery is not possible for me. My life ended when he passed. I don't want to continue living just to keep other people happy at the expense of my own happiness that was killed years ago.

 

[MentalFuneral]

Its more like I dont think there is recovery for people who are like me. What possible recovery is there for people who are complete social outcasts and who are unable to work?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I would recover if it was easy. I am too stupid and incompetent to do things that are difficult.

 

[uglyugly]

So for me, I don't follow the idea of "recovery" because it is based on someone else's idea, namely the society I live in. As a person who wants to ctb, I'm sure a plan for "recovery" would include very heavy duty pharmaceuticals (likely court ordered), expensive therapy, and someone keeping a close eye on my every move so I don't ctb. I'll pass on every bit of that. For me, I don't think of recovery as much as moving to a different phase where I may not want to ctb any more. If that happens, great. If it does not, great.

 

[milknife02]

Thank you so much for putting a label on it. I have been trying to describe this exact condition for years and have been unable to. 100% this is me. I have family that loves me, am able to work, have zero health issues and am not in poverty...but I do not want to be here. Daily life is living hell for seemingly no reason. I have tried 'recovery' and I simply do not want to exist on this Earth. There is absolutely nothing in any sense that could keep me here any longer. I have very serious mental health conditions- that's literally my only issue. Honestly, when people say they want to ctb over a breakup or something like that, I immediately feel as though we're on a different page.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

There is no recovery - only CTB. Autistic burnout and trauma from abuse has made recovery impossible. Whenever I have a good day, something bad will happen to remind me autism is murdering my life. There is no recovery from autism so I am cursed with it coarsing through my diseased soul. i feel the sense of peace right before the end must be tremendous.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

It doesn't apply to me because I have a progressive, degenerative chronic illness that has no good treatments or cures and will only keep getting worse as it has been. There's no way to live a normal life, recover, feel happier when my pain is severe and only getting worse, as will my limitations and bad quality of life.

Yep same here, degenerative condition. In fact I come here because this is the only place where one can find like-minded sufferers without getting bombarded with 'hang in there!'s from their respective patient communities. Fuck hanging in, nobody's obligated to live like this.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I've been explicitly told by a number of doctors that I will not get better.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I've been depressed since I was a kid it's just my default, I don't think you can change who you are at a fundamental level. I'm just used to it now, I don't know if I even WANT to change at this point. It's just my baseline. Feeling happy would be very unnerving! My family are almost all gone and I have no future, I just want to go but not wanting to ruin my mother's last few years keeps me in limbo. I don't think in my case there's anything to recover from, I don't agree we all have to love life or find it meaningful and there must be something wrong with us if we don't.

 

[Scythe]

Same as you, don't want to work, hate society and humans, and partially to avoid future pain and suffering. There's no point to recover when in reality I'm making myself numb to my suffering, I'm still going to be suffering. I also believe recovery will involve the loss my current identity resulting in a mental death, so personally recover or not, I'll die, and I'd rather be completely dead rather than have someone else pilot my body and continue to interact with my loved ones.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I think it's safe to say that every one on this side of SaSu is beyond recovery. That's just the reality that many people on the outside looking in cannot accept.

 

[J&L383]

Yep same here, degenerative condition. In fact I come here because this is the only place where one can find like-minded sufferers without getting bombarded with 'hang in there!'s from their respective patient communities. Fuck hanging in, nobody's obligated to live like this.

I hate "hang in there" "it gets better"!!

 

[TAW122]

I don't believe in recovery for me, and for me, it was just coping and kicking the inevitable down the road. Sometimes I would have gone sooner, like even as far back as 2019, I actually decided 2019 will be it, had my method on the ready, steeled myself for when I inevitably will do so. While from the outside, yes, one could claim "recovery" I never intended to just love life (I never really 'loved' life at all, it was an involuntary inception that all living things were thrust into without consent), and the only difference was whether I was going to go sooner or later.

Of course, life circumstances changed but my mindset and sentiments still remained the same as ever. I still always had CTB in the back of mind, if things become too 'intolerable' by my standards (because it's "I" who is living this life and experiencing the things from my pov thus my interests and values matter - to me), then I would not hesitate to check out. Lacking the right circumstances and time, be it accessibility to methods, right timing, and/or other factors does NOT mean that I suddenly enter recovery. I'm simply biding my time until the circumstances and time is right, then I will finally punch my bus ticket.

I've always stood by my reasons for what/why I want to CTB are "secondary" and while they are important for me, they should NOT be the main focus alone, but instead focus on the exercising of my right and bodily autonomy.

 

[vadim]

I want to ctb because I'm fundamentally incompatible with everyone I meet and unable (and unwilling) to accomplish basic things necessary for living, like choosing a career and working. My problems are too inherent to who I am for me to have any hope of one day not feeling this way. I've known from a young age that I don't belong because I lack something most other people seem to have. "Recovery" for me would involve a complete personality transplant.

 

[depthss]

the concept of recovery, or wanting to recover, is completely foreign to me. ive been suicidal for as long as i can remember, not because anything happened to me, just because. there is no problem that needs fixing, i have nothing i need to recover from. i just am this way. i think i was probably just never meant to be born, or that my soul has already left my body. i dont see recovery as an option, even if i improve my life, the feeling doesnt dissipate

 

[pariah80]

Recover to what? Rebuild my will to be a wage slave? Go back to sleep and become a meat-puppet whose self-definition depends on what the opposite sex thinks of me and how well I can feed one of them? Generate false hope out of thin air, despite my own two eyes telling me the truth about my situation? Letting some "well-meaning" pro-lifer blow enough sunshine up my ass to "give life another go?" Delude myself back into thinking that human life is actually worth living, and that I'm missing out on high-priced life experiences? Lie to myself about potential non-existent "loved ones" that I don't have and never have had?

If someone sees doing that as worth it to them, then so be it. I've made up my mind, and I know I'm not missing out on anything. I deserve better than this life. I'm not catching the bus because I hate myself. I'm catching the bus to save the good that's left in me.

 

[EgoBrained]

The concept of recovery I have is one that simply isn't based in reality, for it to be made real, the entire world and universe would have to be fundamentally changed into something akin to fantasy.

For this reason, I have never sought any recovery because I know that there is nothing that this world can offer me.